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The Final Quest
Rick Joyner |
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The Evil Army
I saw a demonic army so large that it stretched as far
as I could see. It was separated into divisions, with
each carrying a different banner. The foremost and most
powerful divisions were Pride, Self righteousness,
Respectability, Selfish Ambition, and Unrighteous
Judgment, but the largest of all was Jealousy. The
leader of this vast army was the Accuser of the Brethren
himself. I knew that there were many more evil divisions
beyond my scope of vision, but these were the vanguard
of this terrible horde from hell that was now being
released against the church.
The weapons carried by this horde had names on them: the
swords were named Intimidation; the spears were named
Treachery; and their arrows were named Accusations,
Gossip, Slander and Faultfinding. Scouts and smaller
companies of demons with such names as Rejection,
Bitterness, Impatience, Un-forgiveness and Lust were
sent in advance of this army to prepare for the main
attack. I knew in my heart that the church had never
faced anything like this before.
The main assignment of this army was to cause division.
It was sent to attack every level of
relationship-churches with each other, congregations
with their pastors, husbands and wives, children and
parents, and even children with each other. The scouts
were sent to locate the openings in churches, families
or individuals that rejection, bitterness, lust, etc.,
could exploit and make a larger breech for the divisions
that were coming.
The most shocking part of this vision was that this
horde was not riding on horses, but on Christians! Most
of them were well-dressed, respectable, and had the
appearance of being refined and educated. These were
Christians who had opened themselves to the powers of
darkness to such a degree that the enemy could use them
and they would think that they were being used by God.
The Accuser knows that a house divided cannot stand, and
this army represented his ultimate attempt to bring such
complete division to the church that she would
completely fall from grace.
The Prisoners
Trailing behind these first divisions was a vast
multitude of other Christians who were prisoners of this
army. They were all wounded, and were guarded by little
demons of Fear. There seemed to be more prisoners than
there were demons in the army. Surprisingly, these
prisoners still had their swords and shields, but they
did not use them. It was shocking to see that so many
could be kept captive by so few of these little demons
of Fear. These could have easily been destroyed or
driven off if the prisoners had just used their weapons.
Above the prisoners the sky was black with vultures
named Depression. These would land on the shoulders of a
prisoner and vomit on him. The vomit was Condemnation.
When the vomit hit a prisoner he would stand up and
march a little straighter for a while, and then slump
over, even weaker than before. Again, I wondered why the
prisoners did not simply kill these vultures with their
swords, which they could have easily done.
Occasionally a weak prisoner would stumble and fall. As
soon as he or she hit the ground, the other prisoners
would begin stabbing them with their swords, scorning
them as they did so. They would then call for the
vultures to begin devouring the fallen one even before
they were dead.
As I watched, I realized that these prisoners thought
that the vomit of condemnation was truth from God. Then
I understood that these prisoners actually thought they
were marching in the army of God! This is why they did
not kill the little demons of fear, or the vultures-they
thought these were messengers from God! The darkness
from the cloud of vultures made it so hard for these
prisoners to see that they naively accepted everything
that happened to them as being from the Lord.
The only food provided for these prisoners was the vomit
from the vultures. Those who refused to eat it simple
weakened until they fell. Those who did eat it were
strengthened, but with the strength of the evil one.
They would then begin to vomit on the others. When one
began to do this a demon that was waiting for a ride
would be given this one and he or she would be promoted
to the front divisions.
Even worse than the vomit from the vultures was a
repulsive slime that these demons were urinating and
defecating upon the Christians they rode. This slime was
the pride, selfish ambition, etc., that was the nature
of the division they were a part of. However, this slime
made the Christians feel so much better than the
condemnation that they easily believed that the demons
were messengers of God, and they actually thought this
slime was the anointing of the Holy Spirit.
Then the voice of the Lord came to me saying, "This is
the beginning of the enemy's last day army. This is
Satan's ultimate deception, and his ultimate power of
destruction is released when he uses Christians to
attack other Christians. Throughout the ages he has used
this army, but never has he been able to capture so many
to be used for his evil purposes. Do not fear. I have an
army too. You must now stand and fight, because there is
no longer any place to hide from this war. You must
fight for My Kingdom, for truth, and for those who have
been deceived."
I had been so repulsed and outraged by the evil army
that I had wanted to die rather than live in such a
world. However, this word from the Lord was so
encouraging that I immediately began yelling to the
Christian prisoners that they were being deceived,
thinking that they would listen to me. When I did this,
it seemed that the whole army turned to look at me, but
I kept yelling. I thought that the Christians were going
to wake up and realize what was happening to them, but
instead many of them started reaching for their arrows
to shoot at me. The others just hesitated as if they did
not know what to make of me. I knew then that I had done
this prematurely, and that it had been a very foolish
mistake.
The Battle Begins
Then I turned and saw the army of the Lord standing
behind me. There were thousands of soldiers, but we were
still greatly outnumbered. Only a small number were
fully dressed in their armor so that most were only
partially protected. A large number were already
wounded. Most of those who had all of their armor still
had very small shields which I knew would not protect
them from the onslaught that was coming. The majority of
these soldiers were women and children.
Behind this army there was a trailing mob similar to the
prisoners who followed the evil army, but very different
in nature. These seemed to be very happy people, and
were playing games, singing songs, feasting and roaming
about from one little camp to the next. It reminded me
of the atmosphere at Woodstock. I tried to raise my
voice above the clamor to warn them that it was not the
time for this, that the battle was about to begin, but
only as few could even hear my voice. Those who did gave
me the "peace sign" and said they did not believe in
war, and that the Lord would not let anything bad happen
to them. I tried to explain that the Lord had given us
armor for a reason, but they just retorted that they had
come to a place of peace and joy where nothing would
happen to them. I began praying earnestly for the Lord
to increase the faith (shields) of those with the armor,
to help us protect those who were not ready for the
battle.
A messenger came up to me, gave me a trumpet and told me
to blow it quickly. I did, and those who had on at least
some of their armor immediately responded, snapping to
attention. More armor was brought to them, which they
put on quickly. I noticed that those who had wounds did
not put armor over their wounds, but before I could say
anything about these enemy arrows began raining down on
us. Everyone who did not have on all of his or her armor
was wounded. Those who had not covered their wounds were
struck again in the same place.
Those who were hit by arrows of slander immediately
began to slander those who were not wounded. Those who
were hit with gossip began to gossip, and soon a major
division had been created within our camp. Then vultures
swooped down to pick up the wounded to deliver them into
the camp of prisoners. The wounded still had swords and
could have smitten the vultures easily, but they didn't.
They were actually carried off willingly because they
were so angry at the rest of us.
The scene among those in the camp behind our army was
even worse. There seemed to be total chaos. Thousands
lay on the ground wounded and groaning. Many of those
who were not wounded just sat in a stupor of unbelief.
The wounded and those who sat in unbelief were being
quickly carried away by the vultures. Some were trying
to help the wounded, and keep the vultures off of them,
but the wounded were so angry they would threaten and
drive away those who were trying to help them.
Many who were not wounded were simply running as fast as
they could from the scene of battle. This first
encounter with the enemy was so devastating that I was
tempted to join them in their flight. Then, very
quickly, some of these began reappearing with full suits
of armor on, and large shields. The mirth of the party
had changed into an awesome resolve. They began to take
the places of those who had fallen, and even began
forming new ranks to protect the rear and flanks. These
brought great courage, and everyone resolved to stand
and fight until death. Immediately three great angels
named Faith, Hope, and Love came and stood behind us,
and everyone's shield began to grow.
The High Way
We had swords named the Word of God, and arrows that
were named for biblical truths. We wanted to shoot back,
but did not know how to without hitting the Christians
that were ridden by the demons. Then it occurred to us
that if these Christians were hit with the truth they
would wake up and fight off their oppressors. I fired
off a few arrows. Almost all of them hit Christians.
However, when the arrow of truth went into them, they
did not wake up, or fall down wounded-they became
enraged, and the demon riding on them grew much larger.
This shocked everyone, and we began to feel that this
may be an impossible battle to win, but with Faith, Hope
and Love we were very confident that we could at least
hold our own ground. Another angel named Wisdom then
appeared and directed us to fight from the mountain
behind us.
On the mountain there were ledges at different levels
for as high as you could see. At each higher level the
ledges became narrower, and harder to stand on. Each
level was named after a biblical truth. The lower levels
were named after foundational truths such as
"Salvation," "Sanctification," "Prayer," "Faith," etc.,
and the higher levels were named after more advanced
biblical truths. The higher we climbed, the larger both
our shields and our swords grew, and fewer of the enemy
arrows could reach that position.
A Tragic Mistake
Some who had stayed on the lower levels began picking up
the enemy arrows and shooting them back. This was a
tragic mistake. The demons easily dodged the arrows and
let them hit the Christians. When a Christian was hit by
one of the arrows of Accusation or Slander, a demon of
Bitterness or Rage would fly in and perch on that arrow.
He would then begin to urinate and defecate his poison
upon that Christian. When a Christian had two or three
of these demons added to the Pride or Self righteousness
he already had, he began to change into the contorted
image of the demons themselves.
We could see this happening from the higher levels, but
those on the lower levels who were using the enemy's
arrows could not see it. Half of us decided to keep
climbing, while the other half descended back to the
lower levels to explain to those still on them what was
happening. Everyone was then warned to keep climbing and
not stop, except for a few who stationed themselves on
each level to keep the other soldiers moving higher.
Safety
When we reached the level called "The Unity of the
Brethren," none of the enemy's arrows could reach us.
Many in our camp decided that was as far as they needed
to climb. I understood this because with each new level
the footing was more precarious. However, I also felt
much stronger and more skillful with my weapons the
higher I went, so I continued climbing.
Soon my skills were good enough to shoot and hit the
demons without hitting the Christians. I felt that if I
kept going higher I could shoot far enough to hit the
leaders of the evil horde who stayed behind their army.
I was sorry that so many had stopped on the lower
levels, where they were safe but could not hit the
enemy. Even so, the strength and character that grew in
those who kept climbing made them great champions, each
of which I knew would destroy many of the enemy.
At each level there were arrows of Truth scattered about
which I knew were left from those who had fallen from
that position. All of the arrows were named after the
Truth of that level. Some were reluctant to pick up
these arrows, but I knew we needed all that we could to
destroy the great horde below. I picked one up, shot it,
and so easily hit a demon that the others started
picking them up and shooting them. We began to decimate
several of the enemy divisions. Because of this, the
entire evil army focused its attention on us. For a time
it seemed the more we achieved the more we were opposed.
Though our task seemed endless, it had become
exhilarating.
The Word Is Our Anchor
Our swords grew as we reached each level. I almost left
mine behind because I did not seem to need it at the
higher levels. I finally decided that it had been given
to me for purpose, so I had better keep it. I drove it
into the ground and tied myself to it while I shot at
the enemy. The voice of the Lord then came to me,
saying: "You have used the wisdom that will enable you
to keep climbing. Many have fallen because they did not
use their sword properly to anchor themselves." No one
else seemed to hear this voice, but many saw what I had
done and did the same thing.
I wondered why the Lord had not spoken to me before I
had made this decision. I then had a sense of knowing
that He had already spoken this to me somehow. Then I
perceived that my whole life had been training for this
hour. I was prepared to the degree that I had listened
to the Lord and obeyed Him throughout my life. I also
knew that for some reason the wisdom and understanding I
now had could not be added to or taken away from while
in this battle. I became profoundly thankful for every
trial I had experienced in my life, and sorry for not
appreciating them more at the time.
Soon we were hitting the demons with almost perfect
accuracy. Rage rose from the enemy army like fire and
brimstone. I knew that the Christians trapped in that
army were now feeling the brunt of that rage. Unable to
hit us they were now shooting at each other. With his
arrows now ineffective against us, the enemy sent the
vultures to attack. Those who had not used their swords
as anchors were able to strike down many of the
vultures, but they too were being knocked from the
ledges where they were standing. Some of these landed on
a lower level, but some fell all the way to the bottom
and were picked up and carried off by the vultures.
A New Weapon
The arrows of Truth would rarely penetrate the vultures,
but they hurt them enough to drive them back. Every time
they were driven back some of us would climb to the next
level. When we reached the level called "Galatians Two
Twenty," we were above the altitude that the vultures
could fly. At this level the sky above almost blinded us
with its brightness and beauty. I felt peace like I had
never felt it before.
Previously much of my fighting spirit had really been
motivated out of as much hatred and disgust for the
enemy as it had been for the sake of the kingdom, truth,
and love for the prisoners. But it was on this level
that I caught up to Faith, Hope, and Love, which before
I had only been following at a distance. On this level I
was almost overpowered by their glory. When I caught up
to them they turned to me, and began repairing and
shining my armor. Soon it was completely transformed and
exuded the glory that was in them. When they touched my
sword, great bolts of brilliant lightning began flashing
from it. Love then said, "Those who reach this level are
entrusted with the powers of the age to come, but I must
teach you how to use them."
The "Galatians Two Twenty" level was so wide that there
was no longer any danger of falling. There were also
unlimited arrows with the name Hope written on them. We
shot some of them down at the vultures, and these arrows
killed them easily. About half who had reached this
level kept shooting while the others began carrying
these arrows down to those still on the lower levels.
The vultures kept coming in waves upon the levels below,
but with each one there would be fewer than before. From
"Galatians Two Twenty" we could hit any enemy in the
army except the leaders themselves, who were still out
of range. We decided not to use the arrows of Truth
until we had destroyed all of the vultures, because the
cloud of depression they created made the truth less
effective. This took a very long time, but we never got
tired.
Faith, Hope and Love, who had grown like our weapons
with each level, were now so large that I knew people
far beyond the battle area could see them. Their glory
even radiated into the camp of prisoners who were still
under a great cloud of vultures. The exhilaration
continued to grow in all of us. I felt that being in
this army, in this battle, had to be one of the greatest
adventures of all time.
After destroying most of the vultures that had been
attacking our mountain, we began picking off the
vultures that had covered the prisoners. As the cloud of
darkness began dissipating and the sun began to shine
down on them, they began to wake up as if they had been
in a deep sleep. They were immediately repulsed by their
condition, especially by the vomit that still covered
them, and began cleaning themselves up. As they beheld
Faith, Hope and Love, they saw the mountain we were on
and began running for it. The evil horde rained arrows
of Accusation and Slander at them, but they did not
stop. By the time they got to the mountain many had a
dozen or more arrows stuck in them, but seemed not to
even notice. As soon as they began to scale the mountain
their wounds began to heal. With the cloud of depression
being dispelled it seemed as if everything was getting
much easier.
The Trap
The former prisoners had great joy in their salvation.
They seemed so overwhelmed with appreciation for each
level as they began to scale the mountain that it gave
us a greater appreciation for those truths. Soon a
fierce resolve to fight the enemy also arose in the
former prisoners. They put on the armor provided and
begged to be allowed to go back and attack the enemy. We
thought about it, but then decided we should all stay on
the mountain to fight. Again the voice of the Lord
spoke, saying: "A second time you have chosen wisdom.
You cannot win if you try to fight the enemy on his own
ground, but must remain on My Holy Mountain."
I was stunned that we had made another decision of such
importance by just thinking and discussing it briefly. I
then resolved to do my best to not make another decision
of any consequence without prayer. Wisdom then stepped
up to me quickly, took both of my shoulders firmly and
looked me intensely in the eyes, saying: "You must do
this!" I then noticed that, even though I had been on
the broad plateau of "Galatians Two Twenty," I had
drifted to the very edge without even knowing it, and
could have easily fallen. I looked again into the eyes
of Wisdom, and he said with the utmost seriousness,
"Take heed when you think you stand, lest you fall. In
this life you can fall from any level."
The Serpents
For a long time we continued killing the vultures and
picking off the demons that were riding the Christians.
We found that the arrows of different Truths would have
more of an impact on different demons. We knew that it
was going to be a long battle, but we were not taking
any more casualties now, and we had already passed the
level of "Patience." Even so, after these Christians had
the demons shot off them, few would come to the
mountain. Many had taken on the nature of the demons,
and continued in their delusion without them. As the
darkness of the demons dissipated we could see the
ground moving around the feet of these Christians. Then
I saw that their legs were bound by serpents called
Shame.
We shot arrows of truth at the serpents, but they had
little effect. We then tried the arrows of Hope, but
without result. From "Galatians Two Twenty" it was very
easy to go higher, so we started up to the higher
levels. Soon we happened upon a garden that was the most
beautiful place I had ever seen. Over the entrance to
this garden was written, "The Father's Unconditional
Love." It was the most glorious and inviting doorway I
had ever seen, so we were compelled to enter. As soon as
we did, we saw the Tree of Life in the middle of this
garden. It was still guarded by angels of awesome
strength. They looked as if they had been expecting us,
so we had the courage to pass them and walk up to the
tree. One of them said, "Those who make it to this
level, who know the Father's love, can eat."
I did not realize how hungry I was. When I tasted the
fruit, it was better than anything I had ever tasted,
but was also somehow familiar. It brought memories of
sunshine, rain, beautiful fields, the sun setting over
the ocean, but even more than that, of the people I
loved. With every bite I loved everything and everyone
more. Then my enemies started to come to mind, and I
loved them, too. The feeling was soon greater than
anything I had ever experienced, even the peace on
"Galatians Two Twenty." Then I heard the voice of the
Lord, and He said, "This is now your daily bread. It
shall never be withheld from you. You may eat as much
and as often as you like. There is no end of My love." I
looked up into the tree to see where the voice had come
from, and saw that it was filled with pure white eagles.
They had the most beautiful, penetrating eyes I have
ever seen. They were looking at me as if waiting for
instructions. One of the angels said, "They will do your
bidding. These eagles eat snakes." I said, "Go! Devour
the shame that has bound our brothers." They opened
their wings and a great wind came that lifted them into
the air. These eagles filled the sky with a blinding
glory. Even as high as we were, I could hear the sounds
of terror from the enemy camp at the sight of these
eagles coming toward them.
The Lord Jesus Himself then stood in our midst. He
touched each one, then said, "I must now share with you
what I shared with your brothers after My accension-the
message of My Kingdom. The enemy's most powerful army
has now been put to flight, but not destroyed. Now it is
time for us to march forth with the gospel of My
kingdom. The eagles have been released and will go with
us. We will take arrows from every level, but I am your
Sword, and I am your Captain. It is now time for the
Sword of the Lord to be unsheathed." I then turned and
saw that the entire army of the Lord was standing in
that garden. There were men women and children from all
races and nations, each carrying their banners that
moved in the wind with perfect unity. I knew that
nothing like this had been seen in the earth before. I
knew that the enemy had many more armies, and fortresses
throughout the earth, but none could stand before this
great army. I said almost under my breath, "This must be
the day of the Lord." The whole host then answered in an
awesome thunder, "The day of the Lord of Hosts has
come."
We stood in the Garden of God under the Tree of Life. It
seemed that the entire army was there, kneeling before
the Lord Jesus. He had just given us the charge to
return to the battle for the sake of our brothers who
were still bound, and for the world that He still loved.
It was both a wonderful and a terrible command. It was
wonderful just because it came from Him. It was terrible
because it implied that we would have to leave His
manifest presence, and the Garden that was more
beautiful than anything I had ever seen before. To leave
all of this to go into battle seemed incomprehensible.
The Lord continued His exhortation: "I have given you
spiritual gifts and power, and an increasing
understanding of My word and My kingdom, but the
greatest weapon that you have been given is the Father's
love. As long as you walk in My Father's love you will
never fail. The fruit of this tree is the Father's love
which is manifested in Me. This love which is in Me must
be your daily bread."
The Lord was not what we might consider to be of a
strikingly handsome appearance, but was rather ordinary.
Even so, the grace with which He moved and spoke made
Him the most attractive person I had ever seen. He was
beyond human definition in dignity and nobility. No
painting that has sought to capture what He looked like
could ever do it, but somehow most of them do resemble
Him. I began to think of how He was everything that the
Father loves and esteems. He truly is full of grace and
truth, to the point that it seemed that nothing but
grace and truth should ever matter.
When I ate the fruit from the Tree of Life, the thought
of every good thing I had ever known seemed to fill my
soul. When Jesus spoke it was the same, only magnified.
I never wanted to leave this place. I remembered how I
had once thought it must have been boring for those
angels who did nothing but worship Him before the
throne. Now I knew that there was nothing more wonderful
or exhilarating than simply worshiping Him. That would
surely be the best part of heaven. It was hard to
believe that I had struggled so much with boredom during
worship services. I knew that it was only because I had
been almost completely out of touch with reality during
those times.
Worship in Spirit and Truth
I was almost overwhelmed with the desire to go back and
make up those times during worship when I had allowed my
mind to wander, or had occupied myself with other
things. The desire to express my adoration for Him
became almost uncontrollable. I had to praise Him! As I
opened my mouth I was shocked by the spontaneous worship
that erupted from the entire army at the same time. I
had almost forgotten that anyone else was there, but we
were all in perfect unity. The glorious worship could
not be expressed in human language.
As we worshiped, a golden glow began to emanate from the
Lord, then there was silver around the gold. Then
colors, the richness of which I have never seen with my
natural eyes, enveloped us all. With this glory I
entered a realm of emotion that I had never experienced
before. Somehow I understood that his glory had been
there all along, but when we focused on Him the way that
we did in worship, we simply began to see more of His
glory. The more intensely we worshiped, the more glory
we beheld. If this was heaven, it was much, much better
than I had ever dreamed.
Finding His Dwelling Place
I have no idea how long this worship lasted. It could
have been months, there was simply no way to measure
time in that kind of glory. For a time I closed my eyes
because the glory I was seeing with my heart was as
great as what I was seeing with my physical eyes. When I
opened my eyes I was surprised to see that the Lord was
not there any longer, but a troop of angels was standing
where He had been. One of them stepped up to me and
said, "Close your eyes again." When I did, I beheld the
glory of the Lord again and was greatly relieved.
Then the angel explained, "What you see with the eyes of
your heart is more real than what you see with your
physical eyes." I had myself made this statement many
times, but how little I had truly walked in it! The
angel continued, "It was for this reason that the Lord
told His first disciples that it was better for Him to
go away so that the Holy Spirit could come. The Lord
dwells within you. You have taught this many times, but
now you must live it, for you have eaten of the Tree of
Life."
The angel then began to lead me back to the gate. I
protested that I did not want to leave. Looking
surprised, the angel took me by the shoulders and looked
me in the eyes. That is when I recognized him as the
angel, Wisdom. "You never have to leave this garden.
This garden is in your heart because the Creator Himself
is within you. You have desired the best part, to
worship and sit in His presence forever, and it will
never be taken from you."
I acknowledged what Wisdom had said, and then looked
past him at the fruit on the Tree of Life. I had a
compulsion to grab all that I could before leaving.
Knowing my thoughts, Wisdom gently shook me. "No. Even
this fruit, gathered in fear, would rot. This fruit and
this tree are within you because He is in you. You must
believe."
I closed my eyes and tried to see the Lord again but
couldn't. When I open my eyes Wisdom was still staring
at me. With great patience he continued, "You have
tasted of the heavenly realm, and no one ever wants to
go back to the battle once they do. No one ever wants to
leave the manifest presence of the Lord. When the
apostle Paul came here he struggled for the rest of his
life as to whether he should stay and labor for the
Lord, or return here to enter into his inheritance; but
his inheritance was magnified the longer he stayed. Now
that you have the heart of a true worshiper you will
always want to be here, and you can when you enter into
true worship. The more focused you are on Him, the more
glory you will see, regardless of where you are."
Wisdom's words had finally calmed me. Again I closed my
eyes just to thank the Lord for this wonderful
experience, and the life He had given me. As I did, I
started to see His glory again, and all of the emotion
of the previous worship experience flooded my soul. The
Lord's words to me were so loud and clear that I was
sure they were audible; "I will never leave or forsake
you."
"Lord, forgive my unbelief," I responded. "Please help
me to never leave or forsake you."
Walking With Wisdom
As I opened my eyes, Wisdom was still gripping my
shoulders. "I am the primary gift that has been given to
you for your work," he said, "I will show you the way,
and I will keep you on it, but only love will keep you
faithful. The highest wisdom is to love the Lord."
Then Wisdom released me and started to walk toward the
gate. I followed with ambivalence. I remembered the
exhilaration of the battle and the climb up the
mountain, and it was compelling, but there was no
comparison to the presence of the Lord and the worship I
had just experienced. Leaving this would be the greatest
sacrifice I had ever made. Then I remembered how it was
all inside of me, amazed that I could even forget that
so quickly. I began to think about the great battle that
was raging within me, between what I saw with my
physical eyes and what I saw with my heart.
I moved forward so that I was walking beside Wisdom, and
asked, "I have prayed for 26 years to be caught up into
the third heaven as Paul had. Is this the third heaven?"
"This is part of it," he replied, "but there is much
more."
"Will I be allowed to see more?" I asked.
"You will see much more. I am taking you to see more
now," he replied.
I started thinking of the Book of Revelation. "Was
John's revelation part of the third heaven?" I asked.
"Part of John's revelation was from the third heaven,
but most of it was from the second heaven. The first
heaven was before the fall of man. The second heaven is
the spiritual realm during the reign of evil upon the
earth. The third heaven is when the love and domain of
the Father will again prevail over the earth through
your King."
"What was the first heaven like?" I inquired, strangely
feeling a cold chill as I asked.
"It is wisdom not to be concerned about that now," my
companion responded with increased seriousness as my
question seemed to jolt him. "Wisdom is to seek to know
the third heaven just as you have. There is much more to
know about the third heaven than you can know in this
life, and it is the third heaven, the kingdom, that you
much preach in this life. In the ages to come you will
be told about the first heaven, but it is not profitable
for you to know at this time."
I resolved to remember the cold chill I had just felt,
and Wisdom nodded, which I knew to be an affirmation to
that thought. "What a great companion you are, I had to
say as I was just flooded with appreciation for this
angel. "You really will keep me on the right path."
"I will indeed," he replied.
I was sure I felt love coming from this angel, which was
unique, since I had never felt this from other angels,
which showed more of a concern out of duty than love.
Wisdom responded to my thoughts as if I had spoken them
out loud.
"It is wisdom to love and I could not be Wisdom if I did
not love you. It is also wisdom to behold the kindness
and the severity of God. It is wisdom to love Him and
fear Him. You are in deception to do otherwise. This is
the next lesson that you must learn." he said with
unmistakable earnest.
"I do know that, and have taught it many times," I
responded, feeling for the first time that maybe Wisdom
did not fully know me.
"I have been your companion for a very long time, and I
know your teachings," Wisdom replied. "Now you are about
to learn what some of your own teachings mean. As you
have said many times, 'It is not by believing in your
mind, but in your heart that results in righteousness.'"
I apologized, feeling a bit ashamed at having even
questioned Wisdom. He graciously accepted my apology. It
was then that I realized I had been questioning and
challenging him most of my life, often to my injury.
The Other Half of Love
"There are times to adore the Lord," Wisdom continued,
"and there are times to honor Him with the greatest fear
and respect. Just as there is a time to plant, and a
time to reap, and it is wisdom to know the time for
each. True wisdom knows the times and seasons of God. I
brought you here because it was time to worship the Lord
in the glory of His love. I am now taking you to another
place because it is time for you to worship Him in the
fear of His judgment. Until you know both we can be
separated from each other."
"Do you mean that if I had stayed back there in that
glorious worship I would have lost you?" I asked in
disbelief.
"Yes. I would have always visited with you when I could,
but we would have rarely crossed paths. It is hard to
leave such glory and peace, but that is not the whole
revelation of the King. He is both the Lion of Judah and
the Lamb. To the spiritual children He is the Lamb. To
the maturing He is the Lion. To the fully mature He is
both the Lion and the Lamb. You have known this in your
mind, and I have heard you teach it, but now you will
know it in your heart, for you are about to experience
the judgment seat of Christ.
The Return to the Battle
Before leaving the gates to the Garden I asked Wisdom if
I could just sit for a while to ponder all that I had
just experienced. "Yes, you should do this," he replied,
"But I have a better place for you to do it."
I followed Wisdom out of the gates and we began to
descend down the mountain. To my surprise the battle was
still going on, but not nearly as intensely as it was
when we ascended. There were still arrows of accusation
and slander flying about on the lower levels, but most
of the enemy horde that was left was furiously attacking
the great white eagles. The eagles were easily
prevailing.
We kept descending until we were almost at the bottom.
Just above the levels of "Salvation" and
"Sanctification" was the level "Thanksgiving and
Praise." I remembered this level very well because one
of the greatest attacks of the enemy came as I first
tried to reach it. Once we got here the rest of the
climb was much easier, and if an arrow got through your
armor it healed much faster.
As soon as the enemy spotted me on this level (the enemy
could not see Wisdom), a shower of arrows began to rain
down on me. I so easily knocked them down with my shield
that the enemy quit shooting. Their arrows were now
almost gone and they could not afford to waste any more.
The soldiers who were still fighting from this level
looked at me in astonishment with a deference that made
me very uncomfortable. It was then that I first noticed
that the glory of the Lord was emanating from my armor
and shield. I told them to climb to the top of the
mountain without stopping and they, too, would see the
Lord. As soon as they agreed to go they saw Wisdom. They
started fall down to worship Him, but he restrained
them, and sent them on their way.
The Faithful
I was filled with love for these soldiers, many of whom
were women and children. Their armor was a mess, and
they were covered in blood, but they had not quit. In
fact, they were still cheerful and encouraged. I told
them that they were deserving of more honor than I was,
because they had borne the greatest burden of the
battle, and had held their ground. They seemed not to
believe me, but appreciated that I would say it.
However, I really felt that it was true.
Every level on the mountain had to be occupied or the
vultures that were left would come and foul it with
vomit and excrement until it was difficult to stand on.
Most of the ledges were occupied by soldiers who I
recognized to be from different denominations or
movements which emphasized the truth of the level they
were defending. I was embarrassed by the attitude I had
maintained toward some of these groups. I had considered
some of them out of touch and backslidden at best, but
here they were fighting faithfully against a terrible
onslaught of the enemy. Their defense of these positions
had probably enabled me to keep climbing as I had.
Some of these levels were situated so that there was a
view of a good part of the mountain or battlefield, but
some were so isolated that the soldiers on them could
only see their own position, and seemed not to even know
about the rest of the battle raging. They were often so
wounded from the slander and accusations that they would
be resistant when someone came down to them from a
higher level and encouraged them to climb higher.
However, when some began to come down from the top
reflecting the glory of the Lord, they listened with
great joy, and soon began to climb themselves with
courage and resolve. As I beheld all of this, Wisdom did
not say much, but he seemed very interested in my
reactions.
Reality Discovered
I watched as many soldiers who had been to the top began
descending to all of the levels to relieve those who had
been taking their stand on those truths. As they did,
each level began to shine with the glory they carried.
Soon the whole mountain was beginning to shine with a
glory that was blinding to the vultures and demons that
were left. Soon there was so much glory that the
mountain began to have the same feel as the Garden.
I started thanking and praising the Lord and immediately
I was in His presence again. It was hard to contain the
emotions and glory that was flooding my innermost being.
The experience became so intense that I stopped. Wisdom
was standing beside me. Putting his hand on my shoulder
he said, "You enter His gates with thanksgiving, His
courts with praise."
"But that was so real! I felt like I was there again," I
exclaimed.
"You were there," replied Wisdom. "It has not gotten
more real, but you have. Just as the Lord told the thief
on the cross, 'Today' you will be with Me in Paradise,
you can enter Paradise at anytime. The Lord, His
Paradise, and this mountain, are all abiding in you,
because He is in you. What were but foretastes before
are now a reality to you because you have climbed the
mountain. The reason that you can see me and others
cannot is not because I have entered your realm, but you
have entered the one in which I dwell. This is the
reality that the prophets knew that gave them great
boldness even when they stood alone against armies."
The Deadly Trap
I then looked out over the carnage below, and the slowly
retreating demonic army. Behind me more of the glorious
warriors were constantly taking their places on the
mountain. I knew there was now enough to attack and
destroy what was left of this enemy horde. "Not yet,"
said Wisdom. "Look over there." I looked in the
direction in which he was pointing, but had to shield my
eyes from the glory emanating from my own armor to see
anything. Then I caught a glimpse of movement in a
valley.
I could not make out what I was seeing, because the
glory being emitted from my armor made it difficult to
see into the darkness. I asked Wisdom to give me
something to cover my armor with so I could see it. He
then gave me a very plain mantel to put on. "What is
this?" I inquired, a little insulted by its drabness.
"Humility," said Wisdom. "You will not be able to see
very well without it." Reluctantly I put it on and
immediately I saw many things that I could not see
before. I looked toward the valley and the movement I
had seen. To my astonishment there was an entire
division of the enemy horde that was waiting to ambush
anyone who ventures from the mountain.
"What army it that?" I asked, "and how did they escape
the battle intact?"
"That is Pride," explained Wisdom. "That is the hardest
enemy to see after you have been in the glory. Those who
refuse to put on this cloak will suffer much at the
hands of this most devious enemy."
As I looked back at the mountain I saw many of the
glorious warriors crossing the plain to attack the
remnants of the enemy horde. None of them were wearing
the cloaks of humility and they had not seen the enemy
that was ready to attack them from their rear. I started
to run out to stop them, but Wisdom restrained me. "You
cannot stop this," he said. "Only the soldiers who wear
this cloak will recognize your authority. Come with me.
There is something else that you must see before you can
help lead in the great battle that is to come."
The Foundation of Glory
Wisdom led me down the mountain to the very lowest
level, which was named "Salvation." "You think that this
is the lowest level," declared Wisdom, "but this is the
foundation of the whole mountain. In any journey, the
first step is the most important, and it is usually the
most difficult. Without 'Salvation' there would be no
mountain."
I was appalled by the carnage on this level. Every
soldier was very badly wounded, but none of them were
dead. Multitudes were barely clinging to the edge. Many
seemed ready to fall off at any moment, but none did.
Angels were everywhere ministering to the soldiers with
such great joy that I asked, "Why are they so happy?"
"These angels have beheld the courage that it took for
these to hold on. They may not have gone any further,
but neither did they give up. They will soon be healed,
and then they will behold the glory of the rest of the
mountain, and begin to climb. These will be great
warriors for the battle to come."
"But wouldn't they have been better off to climb the
mountain with the rest of us?" I protested, seeing their
present condition.
"It would have been better for them, but not for you. By
staying here they made it easier for you to climb by
keeping most of the enemy occupied. Very few from the
higher levels ever reached out to help others come to
the mountain, but these did. Even when these were barely
clinging to the mountain themselves, they would reach
out to pull others up. In fact, most of the mighty
warriors were led to the mountain by these faithful
ones. These are no less heroes than those who made it to
the top. They brought great joy to heaven by continually
leading others to 'Salvation.' It was for this reason
that all the angels in heaven wanted to come to minister
to them, but only the most honored were permitted."
Again I felt a terrible shame at my attitude toward
these great saints. Many of us scorned them as we
climbed to the higher levels. They had made many
mistakes during the battle, but they had also displayed
more of the Shepherd's heart than the rest of us. The
Lord would leave the ninety-nine to go after the one who
was lost. These had stayed in the place where they could
still reach the lost, and they paid a dear price for it.
I, too, wanted to help but did not know where to start.
Wisdom then said, "It is right for you to want to help,
but you will help most by going on to what you have been
called to do. These will all be healed and will quickly
climb the mountain. They will join you again in the
battle. These are fearless ones who will never retreat
before the enemy."
The Power of Pride
I was thinking how descending the mountain was teaching
me as much as climbing it had, when noise from the
battlefield drew my attention. By now there were
thousands of the mighty warriors who had crossed the
plain to attack the remnant of the enemy horde. The
enemy was fleeing in all directions, except for the one
division, Pride. Completely undetected, it had marched
right up to the rear of the advancing warriors, and was
about to release a hail of arrows. It was then that I
noticed the mighty warriors had no armor on their
backsides-they were totally exposed and vulnerable to
what was about to hit them.
Wisdom then remarked, "You have taught that there was no
armor for the backside, which meant that you were
vulnerable if you ran from the enemy. However, you never
saw how it made you vulnerable if you advanced in
pride."
I could only nod my acknowledgment. It was too late to
do anything, and it was unbearable to watch, but Wisdom
said that I must. To my amazement, when the arrows of
pride struck the warriors they did not even notice.
However, the enemy kept shooting. The warriors were
bleeding and getting weaker fast but would not
acknowledge it. Soon they were too weak to hold up their
shields and swords, and cast them down, declaring that
they did not need them anymore. Then they started taking
off their armor, saying it was not needed anymore
either.
Then another enemy division appeared and moved up
swiftly. It was called Strong Delusion. They released a
hail of arrows that all hit their mark. I then watched
as just a few of the demons of delusion led off this
once great army of glorious warriors. They were taken to
different prison camps, each named after a different
doctrine of demons. I was astounded at how this great
company of the righteous had been so utterly defeated,
and they still did not even know what had hit them. "How
could those who were so strong, who have been all the
way to the top of the mountain, who have seen the Lord
as they have, be so vulnerable?" I blurted out.
"Pride is the hardest enemy to see, and it always sneaks
up behind you," Wisdom lamented. "In some ways, those
who have been to the greatest heights are in the
greatest danger of falling. You must always remember
that in this life you can fall at any time from any
level. 'Take heed when you think you stand, lest you
fall,' When you think you are the least vulnerable to
falling is in fact when you are the most vulnerable.
Most men fall right after a great victory."
Wisdom for the Battle
"How can we keep from being attacked like this?" I
asked.
"Stay close to me, inquire of the Lord before making any
major decisions, and keep that mantle on, and the enemy
will never be able to blindside you as he did those."
I looked at my mantle. It looked so plain and
insignificant. I felt that it made me look more like a
homeless person than a warrior. Wisdom responded as if I
had been speaking out loud, "The Lord is closer to the
homeless than to princes. You only have true strength to
the degree that you walk in the grace of God, and 'He
gives His grace to the humble.' No enemy weapon can
penetrate this mantle, because nothing can overpower His
grace. As long as you wear this mantle you are safe from
this kind of attack."
I then started to look up to see how many warriors were
still on the mountain. I was shocked to see how few
there were. I then noticed that they all had on the same
mantle on humility. "How did that happen?" I inquired.
"When they saw the battle you just witnessed, they all
came to me for help, and I gave them their mantles,"
Wisdom replied.
"But I thought you were with me that whole time?"
"I am with all who go forth to do the will of the
Father," Wisdom answered.
"You're the Lord!" I cried
"Yes," He answered. "I told you that I would never leave
you or forsake you. I am with all of My warriors just as
I am with you. I will be to you whatever you need to
accomplish My will, and you have needed wisdom." Then He
vanished.
Rank in the Kingdom
I was left standing in the midst of the great company of
angels who were ministering to the wounded on the level
of "Salvation." As I began to walk past these angels,
they bowed to one knee and showed me the greatest
respect. I finally asked one of them why they did this,
as even the smallest was much more powerful than I was.
"Because of the mantle," he replied. "That is the
highest rank in the kingdom."
"This is just a plain mantle," I protested.
"No!" the angel protested. "You are clothed in the grace
of God. There is no greater power than that!"
"But there are thousands of us all wearing the same
mantle. How could it represent rank?"
You are the dread champions, the sons and daughters of
the King. He wore the same mantle when He walked on this
earth. As long as you are clothed in that there is no
power in heaven or earth that can stand before you.
Everyone in heaven and hell recognizes that mantle. We
are His servants, but He abides in you, and you are
clothed in His grace."
Somehow I knew if I had not been wearing the mantle, and
if my glorious armor had been exposed, that the angel's
statement, and their behavior toward me, could have
really fed my pride. It was simply impossible to feel
prideful or arrogant while wearing such a drab, plain,
cloak. However, my confidence in the mantle was growing
fast.
The Return of the Eagles
Then on the horizon I saw a great white cloud
approaching. Hope arose in me just by seeing it. It
actually filled the atmosphere with hope just as the sun
rising chases away the darkness of night. As it grew
closer I recognized the great white eagles that had
flown from the Tree of Life. They began landing on the
mountain, taking their place on every level beside the
companies of warriors. I carefully and respectfully
approached the eagle who had landed near me because his
presence was so awesome. When he looked at me with his
penetrating eyes, I knew I could hide nothing from him.
His eyes were so fierce and resolute that I trembled as
chills ran through me just looking at them. Before I
could even ask, he answered me.
"You want to know who we are. We are the hidden prophets
who have been kept for this hour. We are the eyes of
those who have been given the divinely powerful weapons.
We have been shown all that the Lord is doing, and all
that the enemy is planning against you. We have scoured
the earth and together we know all that needs to be
known for the battle." "Did you not see the battle that
just took place?" I asked with as much irritation as I
dared to express. "Couldn't you have helped those
warriors that were just taken captive?"
"Yes. We saw it all, and we could have helped if they
had wanted it. But our help would have been to restrain
them. We can only fight in the battles that the Father
commands, and we can only help those who believe in us.
Only those who receive us as who we are, the prophets,
can receive the prophet's reward, or the benefit of our
service. Those who were ambushed did not yet have the
mantle that you are wearing, and those who do not have
the mantle cannot understand who we are. We all need
each other, including these here who are still wounded,
and many others who you do not yet know."
The Heart of the Eagle
By talking to the eagle I started very quickly to think
like the eagle. After this short discussion I could see
into the eagle's heart and know him like he knew me. The
eagle recognized this.
"You have some of our gifts," the eagle noted, "though
they are not very well developed. You have not used them
much. I am here to awaken these gifts in many of you,
and to teach you to use them. In this way our
communication will be sure. It must be sure or we will
all suffer many unnecessary losses, not to mention
missing many great opportunities for victory."
"Where did you just come from?" I asked.
"We eat snakes," the eagle replied. "The enemy is bread
for us. Our sustenance comes from doing the Father's
will, which is to destroy the works of the devil. Every
snake that we eat helps to increase our vision. Every
stronghold of the enemy that we tear down strengthens us
so we can soar higher and stay in the air longer. We
have just come from a feast, devouring the serpents of
shame who have bound many of your brothers and sisters.
They will be here soon. They are coming with the eagles
we left behind to help them find the way, and to protect
them from the enemy's counterattacks."
These eagles were very sure of themselves, but not
cocky. They knew who they were, what they were called to
do. They also knew us and they knew the future. Their
confidence was reassuring to me, but even more so to the
wounded that were still lying all around us. Those who
had recently been too weak to talk were actually sitting
up listening to my conversation with the eagle. They
looked at him like a lost child would look to his parent
who had just found him.
The Wind of the Spirit
When the eagle looked upon the wounded his countenance
changed as well. In place of the fierce resolution I had
stood before, toward the wounded he was like a soft,
compassionate old grandfather. The eagle opened his
wings and began to gently flap them, stirring up a cool
refreshing breeze that flowed over the wounded. It was
not like any other breeze I had ever felt before. With
each breath I felt I was gaining strength and clarity of
mind. Soon the wounded were standing and worshiping God
with a sincerity that brought tears to my eyes. Again I
felt a profound shame at having scorned those who stayed
on this level. They had seemed so weak and foolish to
those of us who were ascending the mountain, but they
had endured much more than we had and remained faithful.
God had kept them and they loved Him with a great love.
I looked up at the mountain; all of the eagles were
gently flapping their wings. Everyone on the mountain
was being refreshed by the breeze they were stirring up,
and everyone on the mountain was beginning to worship
the Lord. At first there was some discord between the
worship that was coming from the different levels, but
after a time everyone on every level was singing in
perfect harmony. Never on earth had I heard anything
that beautiful. I never wanted it to end. Soon I
recognized it as the same worship that we had known in
the Garden, but now it sounded even more full and rich.
I knew that it was because we were worshiping in the
very presence of our enemies, in the midst of such
darkness and evil that surrounded the mountain, that it
seemed so much more beautiful.
I do not know whether this worship lasted hours, days,
or minutes, but eventually the eagles stopped flapping
their wings and it stopped. "Why did you stop?" I asked
the eagle that I had been talking to.
"Because they are now whole," he replied, indicating the
wounded who were now all standing and appeared to be in
perfect condition. "True worship can heal any wound," he
added.
"Please do it again," I begged.
"We will do this many times, but it is not for us to
decide when. The breeze that you felt was the Holy
Spirit. He directs us; we do not direct Him. He has
healed the wounded and begun to bring about the unity
that is required for the battles ahead. True worship
also pours the precious oil upon the Head, Jesus, which
then flows down over the entire body, making us one with
Him and each other. No one who becomes one with Him will
remain wounded or unclean. His blood is pure life, and
it flows when we are joined to Him. When we are joined
to Him we are also joined to the rest of the body, so
that His blood flows through all. Is that not how you
heal a wound to your body, by closing the wound so that
the blood can flow to the wounded member to bring
regeneration? When a part of His body is wounded, we
must join in unity with that part until it is fully
restored. We are all one in Him."
The euphoria from the worship was still prevailing so
that this little teaching seemed to be the most profound
that I had ever heard, even though I had know it and
taught it myself before. When the Holy Spirit moved
every word seemed glorious, regardless of how elementary
it was. It also filled me with so much love that I
wanted to hug everyone, including the fierce old eagles.
Then, like a jolt, I remembered the mighty warriors who
had just been captured. The eagle sensed this but did
not say anything. He just watched me intently. Finally,
I spoke up; "Can we recover those who were just lost?"
The Wounded Heart of the King
"Yes, it is right for you to feel what you do," the
eagle finally said. "We are not complete, and our
worship is not complete, until the whole body is
restored. Even in the most glorious worship, even in the
very presence of the King, we will all feel this
emptiness until all are one, because our King also feels
it. We all grieve for our brothers in bondage, but we
grieve even more for the heart of our King. Just as you
love all of your children, but would be grieved for the
one that was sick or wounded, He too loves all of His
children, but the wounded and oppressed have most of His
attention now. For His sake we must not quit until all
have been recovered. As long as any are wounded, He is
wounded."
Faith That Moves Mountains
Sitting down by the eagle, I thought deeply about what
he said. Finally I asked, "I know that Wisdom now speaks
to me through you, because I hear His voice when you
speak. I was so sure of myself before that last battle,
but I was almost carried away with the same presumption
that they were carried away with, and could very easily
have been captured with them if Wisdom had not stopped
me. I was going out of hatred for the enemy more than
wanting to set my brothers free, though that was part of
my motive. Since first coming to this mountain, and
fighting in the great battle, I now think that most of
the right things I did, I did for the wrong reasons, and
many of the wrong things I did, I had good motives for.
The more I learn, the more unsure of myself I feel."
"You must have been with Wisdom a long time," the eagle
responded.
"He was with me a long time before I began to recognize
Him, but I am afraid that most of that time I was
resisting Him. Somehow I now know that I am still
lacking something very important, something that I must
have before I go into battle again, but I do not know
what it is."
The great eagle's eyes became more penetrating than I
had ever seen them as he responded, "You also know the
voice of Wisdom when He speaks to you in your own heart.
You are learning well because you have the mantle. What
you are feeling now is the true faith."
"Faith!" I shot back. "I'm talking about serious
doubts."
"You are wise to doubt yourself. But true faith depends
on God, not yourself, and not your faith. You are close
to the kind of faith that can move this mountain, and
move it must. It is time to carry it to places that it
has not gone to before. However, you are right. You are
still lacking something very important. You must yet
have a great revelation of the King. Even though you
have climbed to the top of the mountain, and received
from every truth along the way, and even though you have
stood in the Garden of God, tasted of His unconditional
love, and have seen His Son many times now, you still
only understand a part of the whole counsel of God, and
that only superficially."
I knew that this was so true that it was very comforting
to hear it. "I have judged so many people and so many
situations wrongly. Wisdom has saved my life many times
now, but the voice of Wisdom is still a very small voice
within me, and the clamor of my own thoughts and
feelings are still far too loud. I hear wisdom speaking
through you much louder than I hear Him in my own heart,
so I know I must stay very close to you."
"We are here because you need us," the eagle replied.
"We are also here because we need you. You have been
given gifts that I do not have, and I have been given
gifts that you do not have. You have experienced things
that I have not experienced, and I have experienced
things that you have not known. The eagles have been
given to you until the end, and you have been given to
us. I will be very close to you for a time, and then you
must receive other eagles in my place. Every eagle is
different. It is together that we have been given to
know the secrets of the Lord, not individually."
The Doors of Truth
The eagle then lifted up from the rock on which he had
been perched, and soared over the edge of the level on
which we stood. "Come," he said. As I approached him I
saw steps that led down to the very base of the
mountain. There was a small door.
"Why have I not seen this before?" I asked.
"When you first came to the mountain you did not stay on
this level long enough to look around," he answered.
"How did you know that? Were you here when I first came
to the mountain?"
"I would have known if I had not been here, because all
who miss this door do so for the same reason, but in
fact I was here," he responded. "I was one of the
soldiers you so quickly passed on your way up the
mountain."
It was then that I recognized the eagle as a man whom I
had met soon after my conversion, whom I had actually
had a few conversations with. He continued, "I wanted
badly to follow you then. I had been on this level for
so long that I needed a change. I just could not leave
all of the lost souls that I was still trying to lead
here. When I finally committed myself to doing the
Lord's will, whether it was to stay or go, Wisdom
appeared to me and showed me this door. He said it was a
shortcut to the top. That is how I got to the top before
you did, and was changed into an eagle."
I then remembered that I had seen doors like this on a
couple of the levels, I had even peeked into a couple of
them and remember how amazed I had been at what I saw. I
did not venture into any of them very far, because I was
so focused on the battle and trying to get to the top of
the mountain. "Could I have entered any of those doors
and gone right to the top?" I asked.
"It is not quite that easy," the eagle remarked, seeming
a little irritated. "In every door there are passage
ways, one of which leads to the top." Obviously knowing
my next question, he continued. "The other ones lead to
the other levels on the mountain. The Father designed
each so that everyone would choose the one that their
level of maturity dictated that they needed."
"Incredible! How did He do that?" I thought to myself,
but the eagle heard my thoughts.
"It was very simple," continued the eagle as if I had
spoken my thoughts out loud. "Spiritual maturity is
always determined by the willingness of one to sacrifice
their own desires for the interests of the kingdom or
for the sake of others."
I was carefully noting all that was said. I somehow knew
that I must enter the door before me, and that it would
be wise for me to learn all that I could from someone
who had been there before and had obviously chosen the
right door to the top.
"I did not go directly to the top, and neither have I
met anyone who has," the eagle continued. "But I went
there much faster than most because I had learned so
much about self-sacrifice while fighting here on the
level of 'Salvation.' I have shown you this door because
you wear the mantle and would have found it anyway, but
the time is short and I am here to help you mature
quickly. There are doors on every level, and every one
leads to treasures that are beyond your comprehension.
They cannot be acquired physically, but every treasure
that you hold in your hands you will be able to carry on
in your heart. Your heart is meant to be the treasure
house of God. But the time you reach the top again, your
heart will contain treasures more valuable than all of
the treasures of the whole earth. They will never be
taken from you, but they are yours for eternity, because
you are God's. Go quickly. The storm clouds are now
gathering, and the great battle is near."
"Will you go with me?" I pleaded.
"No," he responded. "This is where I now belong. I have
much to do to help these who were wounded. But I will
see you here again. You will meet many of my brother and
sister eagles before you return, and they will be able
to help you better than I at the place where you meet
them."
The Treasures of Heaven
I already loved that eagle so much that I could hardly
stand to leave him. I was glad to know I would see him
again. Now the door was drawing me like a magnet. I
opened it and entered. The glory that I beheld was so
stunning that I immediately fell to my knees. The gold,
silver and precious stones were far more beautiful than
anything I had ever seen on the earth. The room was so
large that it seemed to be without end. The floor was
silver, the pillars gold, and the ceiling was pure
diamond that emitted every color I had ever known and
many that I had not known. Angels without number were
everywhere, dressed in different robes and uniforms that
were of no earthly origin.
As I began to walk through the room, the angels all
bowed in salute. One stepped forward and welcomed me by
name. He explained that I could go anywhere and see
anything that I wanted in the room. Nothing was withheld
from those who came through the door.
I could not even speak I was so overwhelmed by the
beauty. I finally remarked that this was even more
beautiful than the Garden had been. Surprised, the angel
responded, "This is the Garden! This is one of the rooms
in your Father's house. We are your servants."
As I walked, a great company of angels followed me. I
turned and asked the leader why they were following.
"Because of the mantle," he said. "We have been given to
you, to serve you here and in the battle to come."
I did not know what to do with the angels so I just
continued walking. I was attracted to a large blue stone
that appeared to have the sun and clouds within it. When
I touched it the same feeling flooded over me as when I
ate the fruit of the Tree of Life. I felt energy, great
mental clarity, and love for everyone and everything
being magnified. I started to behold the glory of the
Lord. The longer I touched the stone the more the glory
increased. I never wanted to take my hand off of the
stone, but the glory became so intense that I had to
look away.
Then my eyes fell on a beautiful green stone. "What does
that one have in it?" I asked the angel standing nearby.
"All of these stones are the treasures of salvation. You
are now touching the heavenly realm, and that one is the
restoration of life," he continued.
As I touched the green stone I began to see the earth in
rich and spectacular colors. They grew in richness the
longer I had my hand on the stone, and my love for all
that I saw grew. Then I began to see a harmony between
all living things on a level that I had never seen
before. Then I began to see the glory of the lord in the
creation. It began to grow until again I had to turn
away because of the intensity.
Then I realized that I had no idea how long I had been
there. I did know that my comprehension of God and His
universe had grown substantially by just touching these
two stones, and there were many, many more. There was
more in that one room than a person could have absorbed
in a whole lifetime. "How many more rooms are there?" I
asked the angel.
"There are rooms like this on every level of the
mountain that you climbed."
"How can one ever experience all that is in just one of
these rooms, much less all of them?" I asked.
"You have forever to do this. The treasures contained in
the most basic truths of the Lord Jesus are enough to
last for many of your present lifetimes. No man can know
all that there is to know about any of them in just one
life, but you must take what you need and keep
proceeding toward your destiny."
I started thinking about the impending battle again, and
the warriors who had been captured. It was not a
pleasant thought in such a glorious place, but I knew I
would have forever to come back to this room, and only
had a short time to find my way back to the top of the
mountain, and then back to the battle from again.
I turned to the angel. "You must help me find the door
that leads to the top."
The angel looked perplexed, "we are your servants," he
responded, "but you must lead us. This whole mountain is
a mystery to us. We all desired to look into this great
mystery, but after we leave this room that we have come
to know just a little about, we will be learning even
more than you."
"Do you know where all of the doors are?" I asked.
"Yes, But we do not know where they lead. There are some
that look very inviting, and some that are plain, and
some that are actually repulsive. One is even terrible."
"In this place there are doors that are repulsive?" I
asked in disbelief. "And one that is terrible ? How can
that be?"
"We do not know, but I can show it to you," he
responded.
"Please do," I said.
We walked for quite a time, passing treasures
unspeakable, all of which I had great difficulty not
stopping to touch. There were also many doors, with
different biblical truths over each one. When the angel
had call them "inviting" I felt that he had quite
understated their appeal. I badly wanted to go through
each one, but my curiosity about the "terrible door"
kept me moving. Then I saw it. "Terrible" had also been
an understatement. Fear gripped me so that it took my
breath away.
Grace and Truth
I turned away from the door and retreated fast. There
was a beautiful red stone nearby, which I almost lunged
at to lay my hands on it. Immediately I was in the
Garden of Gethsemane beholding the Lord in prayer. The
agony I beheld was even more terrible than the door I
had just seen. Shocked, I jerked my hand away from the
stone and fell to the floor in exhaustion. I badly
wanted to return to the blue or green stones, but I had
to re-gather my energy and sense of direction. The
angels were quickly all around me serving me. I was
given a drink that began to revive me. Soon I was
feeling well enough to stand and begin walking back to
the other stones. However, the recurring vision of the
Lord praying compelled me to stop.
"What was that back there?" I asked.
"When you touch the stones we are able to see a little
of what you see, and feel a little of what you feel,"
said the angel. "We know that all of these stones are
great treasures, and all of the revelations they contain
are priceless. We beheld for a moment the agony of the
Lord before His crucifixion, and we felt briefly what He
felt that terrible night. It is hard for us to
understand how our God could ever suffer like that. It
makes us appreciate much more what an honor it is to
serve you whom He did it for."
The angels' words were like lightning bolts straight to
my soul. I had fought in the great battle. I had climbed
to the top of the mountain. I had become so familiar
with the spiritual realm that I hardly noticed angels
any more, and I could speak on nearly equal terms with
the great eagles, yet I could not bear to share in even
a moment of the sufferings of My King without wanting to
flee to a more pleasurable experience. "I should not be
here," I almost shouted. "I, more than anyone, deserve
to be a prisoner of the evil one!"
"Sir," the angel said almost shyly. "We understand that
no one is here because they deserve it. You are here
because you were chosen before the foundation of the
world for a purpose. We do not know what your purpose
is, but we know that it is very great for everyone on
this mountain."
"Thank you. You are most helpful. My emotions are being
greatly stretched by this place, and they have tended to
overcome my understanding. You are right. No one is here
because they are worthy. Truly, the higher we climb on
this mountain, the more unworthy we are to be there, and
the more grace we need to stay there. How did I ever
make it to the top the first time?"
"Grace," my angel responded.
"If you want to help me," I then said, "please keep
repeating that word to me whenever you see me in
confusion or despair. That word I am coming to
understand better than any other, and it always brings
great illumination to my soul."
"Now I must go back to the red stone. I know now that is
the greatest treasure in this room, and I must not leave
until I am carrying that treasure in my heart," I said
with more resolution in my words than I felt in my heart
at that time, but I nevertheless knew that it was true."
The Truth of Grace
The time that I spent at the red stone was the most
painful that I have ever experienced. Many times I
simply could not take any more but had to withdraw my
hand. Several times I went back to the blue or green
stones to rejuvenate my soul before I returned. It was
extremely hard to return to the red stone each time, but
my love and appreciation for the Lord was growing
through this more than anything I had ever learned or
experienced.
Finally, when the presence of the Father departed from
Jesus on the cross, I could not stand it anymore. I
quit. I could tell that the angels, who were also
experiencing what I was, were in full agreement. The
willpower to touch the stone again simply was not in me
anymore. I did not even feel like going back to the blue
stone. I just laid on the floor weeping over what the
Lord had gone through. I also wept because I knew that I
had deserted Him just like His disciples. I failed Him
when He needed me the most, just like they did.
After what seemed like several days, I opened my eyes.
Another eagle was standing beside me. In front of him
were three stones, one blue, one green, and one red.
"Eat them," he said. When I did, my whole being was
renewed, and both a great joy and great soberness
flooded my soul.
When I stood up, I caught sight of the same three stones
set into the handle of my sword, and then on each of my
shoulders. "These are now yours forever," the eagle
said. "They cannot be taken from you, and you cannot
lose them."
"But I did not finish this last one," I protested.
"Christ alone will ever finish that test," he replied.
"You have done well, but you must go on now."
"Where to?" I asked.
"You must decide, but with time getting shorter I will
suggest that you try to get to the top soon," the eagle
replied as he departed in an obvious hurry.
Then I remembered the doors. I immediately started
toward the doors that had been so appealing. When I
reached the first one it simply did not appeal to me
anymore. Then I went to another, and it felt the same.
"Something seems to have changed," I remarked out loud.
"You have changed," the entire troop of angels replied
at once. I turned to look at them and was amazed at how
much they had changed. They no longer had the naive look
they had before, but were now more regal and
wise-looking than any of the angels I had seen. I knew
they reflected what had also taken place in me, but I
now felt uncomfortable just thinking about myself.
"I ask for your counsel," I said to the leader.
"Listen to your heart," he said. "That is where these
great truths now abide."
"I have never been able to trust my own heart," I
responded. "It is subject to so many delusions,
deceptions, and selfish ambitions, that it is hard to
even hear the Lord speaking to me above the clamor of
it."
"Sir, with the red stone now in your heart, I do not
believe that will continue to be the case," the leader
offered with uncharacteristic confidence. I leaned
against the wall, thinking that the eagle was not here
when I needed him the most. He had been this way before
and would know which door to choose. As I pondered, the
"terrible door" was the only one that I could think of.
Out of curiosity I decided to go back and look at it. I
had departed from it so fast the first time that I had
not even noticed which truth it represented.
As I approached it I could feel the fear welling up
inside of me, but not nearly as bad as the first time.
In great contrast to the others, it was very dark around
this door, and I had to get very close to read the truth
over it. Mildly surprised, I read THE JUDGMENT SEAT OF
CHRIST. "Why is this truth so fearful?" I asked aloud,
knowing that the angels would not answer me. As I looked
at it I knew that it was the one I should go through.
"There are many reasons that it is fearful," the
familiar voice of the eagle responded.
"I'm glad you came back," I replied. "Have I made a bad
choice?"
"No! You have chosen well. This door will take you back
to the top of the mountain faster than any other. It is
fearful because the greatest fear in the creation has
its source through that door-the holy fear of God. The
greatest wisdom that men can know in this life, or in
the life to come, are found through those doors, but
very few will go through them."
But why is this door so dark?" I asked.
"The light of these doors reflect the attention that the
church is presently giving to the truths behind them.
The truth behind that door is one of the most neglected
of these times, but it is one of the most important. You
will understand when you enter. The greatest authority
that men can receive will only be entrusted to those who
will go through this door. When you see Christ Jesus
sitting on this throne, you too will be prepared to sit
with Him on it."
"Then this door would not be so dark and forbidding if
we had just given more attention to this truth?"
"That is correct. If men knew the glory that is revealed
behind that door, it would be one of the most
brilliant," the eagle lamented. "However, it is still a
difficult door to pass through. I was told to return and
encourage you because you will soon need it. You will
see a greater glory, but also a greater terror than you
have ever known. But know that because you have chosen
the difficult way now, it will be much easier for you
later. Because you are willing to face this hard truth
now, you will not suffer loss later. Many love to know
His kindness, but very few are willing to know His
severity. If you do not know both you will always be in
danger of deception and a fall from His great grace."
"I know that I could never come here if I had not spent
the time that I did at the red stone. How could I keep
trying to take the easy way when that is so contrary to
the nature of the Lord?"
"But now you have chosen, so go quickly. Another great
battle is about to begin, and you are needed at the
front."
The Judgment Seat of Christ
I gazed one final time around the huge room inside of
the mountain. The treasures of the truth of Salvation
were kept here. It seemed that there was no end to their
expanse or beauty. I could not imagine that the rooms
which contained the other great truths of the faith
could be any more glorious. This helped me to understand
why so many Christian never wanted to leave this place.
The large gems which represented the different aspects
of Salvation all exuded a glory far beyond any earthly
beauty. It was wonderful beyond description, and I knew
that I could stay here for eternity and never get bored.
The eagle who was standing next to me almost shouted:
"You must go on!" Then more calmly he continued, "There
is no greater peace and safety than to abide in the
Lord's salvation. You were brought here to know this
because you will need it where you are now going. But
you must not stay here any longer."
The eagle's statement about the peace and safety touched
something in me. I thought about the courageous warriors
who had fought in the battle from the first level of the
mountain, "Salvation." They had fought so well and
delivered so many, but they had also all been badly
wounded. Then the eagle again interrupted my thoughts as
if he were listening to them.
"God has a different definition of peace and safety than
we do. To be wounded in the fight is a great honor. That
is why the apostle Paul boasted of his beatings and
stonings. There is no courage unless there is real
danger. The Lord said He would go with Joshua to fight
for the Promised Land, but over and over exhorted him to
be strong and courageous because he was going to have to
fight, and there would be dangers. It is in this way the
Lord proves those who are worthy of the Promises-they
love God and His provision more than their own security.
Courage is a demonstration of true faith. The Lord never
promised that His way would be easy, but it would be
worth it. The courage of those who fought from the level
of Salvation moved the angels of heaven to esteem what
God has wrought in the fallen race of men. They took
their wounds in the terrible onslaught, but they did not
quit, and they did not retreat. Even so, by climbing the
mountain you were able to fight with an authority that
ultimately freed even more souls. Many more souls will
fill these rooms, to the great joy of heaven, if you go
on."
I then turned and looked at the dark and forbidding door
over which was written: The Judgment Seat of Christ.
Just as warmth and peace had flooded my soul each time I
looked at this door. Everything in me wanted to stay in
this room, and nothing in me wanted to go through that
door. Again the eagle answered my thoughts.
"Before you enter the door to any great truth you will
have these same feelings. You even felt that way when
you entered into this room to the treasures of
salvation. These fears are the result of the fall. They
are the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and
Evil. The knowledge from that tree made us all insecure
and self-centered. The knowledge of good and evil makes
the true knowledge of God seems fearful, when in fact
every truth from above leads to an even greater peace
and security. Even the judgments of God are to be
desired, because all of His ways are perfect."
By now I had experienced enough to know that what seems
right is often the least fruitful path, and sometimes
the road to tragedy. Throughout my journey, the path on
which it seemed that the most was risked was the path
that lead to the greatest reward. Even so, each time it
seemed that more was being risked. To make the choice to
go on therefore got harder each time.
"It takes more faith to walk in the higher realms of the
Spirit," the eagle stated, seeming a little more
irritated. "The Lord gave us a map to His kingdom when
He said, 'If you seek to save your life you will lose
it, but if you will lose your life for My sake you will
find it.' Those words alone can keep you on the path to
the top of the mountain, and will lead you to victory in
the great battle ahead. They will also help you to stand
before the Judgment Seat of Christ," he added, looking
toward the door.
I knew I had to go. I knew that I should remember this
glorious room and the treasures of salvation, but I also
knew that I should not look back to them again. I had to
go on. I turned and with all of the courage I could
muster, opened the door to the Judgment Seat of Christ
and stepped through it. The troop of angels that had
been assigned to me took positions all around the door,
but did not enter.
"What's the matter? Aren't you coming?" I demanded,
badly wanting the security of their company.
"Where you are going now you must go alone. We will be
waiting for you one the other side."
Without responding, I turned and started walking before
I could change my mind. It was the hardest thing I had
ever done. I was in the most frightening darkness I had
ever experienced. The most terrible fears rose up within
me. Soon I began to think that I had stepped into hell
itself. I thought about retreating, but when I looked
back I could see nothing. The door was closed and I
could not even see where it was located. Resolving that
I now had to go on, I moved slowly, praying for the Lord
to help me. As I did, peace began to grow in my heart.
I then noticed that the dark was no longer cold, but
began to feel comfortable. Then I started to behold a
dim light. Gradually it became a glorious light so
wonderful that I felt that I was entering into heaven
itself. Now the glory increased with every step. I
wondered how anything this wonderful could have an
entrance so dark and forbidding. I wanted to savor every
step before taking another.
Soon the path opened into a hall so large that I felt
that the earth itself could not contain it. The beauty
of it could not even be imagined by human architects. I
had never experienced anything like what filled my soul
as I beheld this room. At the far end was the Source of
the glory that emanated from everything else in the
room. I knew that it was the Lord, and I was a little
bit afraid as I began to walk toward Him. I did not even
think about how great the distance was. It was all so
wonderful that I felt that I could walk forever and
enjoy every step. In earthly terms, that somehow did not
relate here, it would have taken me many days to reach
the throne.
My eyes were so fixed on the glory of the Lord that I
had walked a long time before I noticed that I was
passing multitudes of people who were standing in ranks
to my left (There were just as many to my right but they
were so far away that I did not notice them until I
reached the throne). As I looked at them I had to stop.
They were dazzling, more regal than anyone I had ever
seen. Their countenance was captivating. Never had such
peace and confidence graced a human face. Each one was
beautiful beyond any earthly comparison. As I turned
toward those who were close to me they bowed in a
greeting as if they knew me.
"How is it that you know me?" I asked, surprised at my
own boldness to ask such a question of them.
"You are one of the saints who is fighting in the last
battle," a man close by responded. "Everyone here knows
you, and all of those who are now fighting on the earth.
We are the saints who have served the Lord in the
generations before you. We are the great cloud of
witnesses who have been given the right to behold the
last battle. We know all of you, and we see all that you
do."
I then noticed someone I had known on earth. He had been
a faithful believer, but I did not think he had done
anything of significance. He was so physically
unattractive on earth that it had made him shy. Here he
had the same features, but was somehow more handsome
than any person I had known on earth. He stepped up to
me with an assurance and dignity that I had never seen
in him, or anyone, before.
"Heaven is much greater than we could have dreamed while
on earth," he began. "This room is but the threshold of
realms of glory that are far beyond the ability we had
to comprehend. It is also true that the second death is
much more terrible than we understood. Neither heaven or
hell are like we thought they were. If I had known on
earth what I know here I would not have lived the way
that I did. You are blessed with a great grace to have
come here before you have died." he said while looking
at my garments.
I then looked at myself. I still had the old mantle of
humility on, with the armor under it. I felt both foul
and crude standing before those who were so regal and
beautiful. I began to think that I was in serious
trouble if I was going to appear before the Lord like
this. Like the eagles, my old acquaintance could
understand my thoughts, and he replied to them:
"Those who come here wearing that mantle have nothing to
fear. That mantle is the highest rank of honor, and it
is why they all bowed to you while you passed."
"I did not notice anyone bowing to me," I replied, a bit
disconcerted.
"It is not improper," he continued. "Here we show each
other the respect that is due. Even the angels serve us
here, but only our God and His Christ are worshiped."
I was still ashamed. I had to retrain myself to keep
from bowing to these glorious ones, while at the same
time wanting to hide myself because I looked so bad.
Then I began lamenting the fact that my thoughts here
were just as foolish here as they were one earth, and
here everyone knew them! I felt both stained and stupid
standing before these who were so awesome and pure.
Again my old acquaintance responded to these thoughts.
"We have our incorruptible bodies now, and you do not.
Our minds are no longer hindered by sin. We are
therefore able to comprehend many times what even the
greatest earthly mind can fathom, and we will spend
eternity growing in our ability to understand. This is
so that we can know the Father, and understand the glory
of His creation. On earth you cannot even begin to
understand what the least of these here know, and we are
the least of those here."
"How could you be the least?" I asked with disbelief.
"There is an aristocracy here. The rewards for our
earthly lives are the eternal positions that we have
here. This great multitude here are those whom the Lord
called 'foolish virgins.' We knew the Lord, and trusted
in His cross for deliverance from damnation, but we did
not really live for Him, but for ourselves. We did not
keep our vessels filled with the oil of the Holy Spirit.
We have eternal life, but we wasted our lives on earth."
I was really surprised by this, but I also knew that no
one could lie in that place.
"The foolish virgins gnashed their teeth in the outer
darkness," I protested.
"And that we did. The grief that we experienced when we
understood how we had so wasted our lives was beyond any
grief possible on earth. The darkness of that grief can
only be understood by those who have experienced it.
Such darkness is magnified when it is revealed next to
the glory of the One we failed. You are standing now
among the lowest rank in heaven. There are no greater
fools than the ones who know the great salvation of God,
but then go on living for themselves. To come here and
learn the reality of that folly is a grief beyond what
an earthly soul can experience. We are those who
suffered this outer darkness because of this greatest of
follies."
I was still incredulous. "But you are more glorious and
full of more joy and peace than I even imagined, even
for those in heaven. I do not feel any remorse in you,
and yet I know that here you cannot lie. This does not
make sense to me."
Looking me straight in the eyes, he continued, "The Lord
also loves us with a love greater than you can yet
understand. Before His judgment seat I tasted the
greatest darkness of soul and remorse that can be
experienced. Though here we do not measure time as you
do, it seemed to last for as long as my life on earth
had lasted. All of my sins and follies which I had not
repented of passed before me, and before all who are
here. The grief of this you cannot understand until you
have experienced it. I felt that I was in the deepest
dungeon of hell, even as I stood before the Lord. He was
resolute until my life had been completely reviewed.
When I said I was sorry and asked for the mercy of His
cross, He wiped away my tears and took away the great
darkness. He looked at me with a love that was beyond
anything that you can now understand. He gave me this
robe. I no longer feel the darkness or bitterness that I
knew as I stood before Him, but I remember it. Only here
can you remember such things without continuing to feel
the pain. A moment in the lowest part of heaven is much
greater than a thousand years of the highest life on
earth. Now my mourning at my folly has been turned into
joy, and I know that I will know joy forever, even if I
am in the lowest place in heaven."
I began to think again of the treasures of salvation.
Somehow I knew that all that this man had told me was
revealed by those treasures. Every step I had taken up
the mountain, or into it, had revealed that His ways are
both more fearful and more wonderful than I had known
before.
Looking at me intently, my former acquaintance
continued. "You are not here to understand, but to
experience. The next level of rank here is many times
greater than what we have. Each level after is that much
greater than the previous one. It is not just that each
level has an even more glorious spiritual body, but that
each level is closer to the throne where all of the
glory comes from. Even so, I no longer feel the grief of
my failure. I really deserve nothing. I am here by grace
alone, and I am so thankful for what I have. He is so
worthy to be loved. I could be doing many wondrous
things now in the different realms of heaven, but I
would rather stay here and just behold the glory, even
if I am on the outer fringes."
Then, with a distant look in his eyes, he added,
"Everyone in heaven is now in this room to watch His
great mystery unfold, and to watch those of you who will
fight the last battle." "Can you see Him from here?" I
asked. "I see His glory far away, but I cannot see Him."
"I can see many times better than you can," he answered.
"And yes, I can see Him, and all that He is doing, even
from here. I can also hear Him. I can also behold the
earth. He gave us all that power. We are the great cloud
of witnesses who are beholding you."
He departed back into the ranks and I began walking
again, trying to understand all that he had said to me.
As I looked over the great host that he had said were
the foolish virgins, the ones who had spiritually slept
away their life on earth, I knew that if any one of them
appeared on earth now that they would be worshiped as
gods, and yet they were the very least of those who were
here!
I then began to think of all of the time that I had
wasted in my life. It was such an overwhelming thought
that I stopped. Then parts of my life began to pass
before me. I began to experience a terrible grief over
this one sin. I too had been one of the greatest of
fools! I may have kept more oil in my lamp than others,
but now I knew how foolish I had been to measure what
was required of me by how others were doing. I, too, was
one of the foolish virgins!
Just when I thought I would collapse under the weight of
this terrible discovery, a man who I had known and
esteemed as one of the great men of God I had known,
came forward to steady me. Somehow his touch revived me.
He then greeted me warmly. He was a man that I had
wanted to be discipled by. I had met him, but we did not
get along well. Like a number of others I had tried to
get close enough to learn from, I was an irritation to
him and he finally asked me to leave. For years I had
felt guilty about this, feeling that I had missed a
great opportunity because of some flaw in my character.
Even though I had put it out of my mind, I still carried
the weight of this failure. When I saw him it all
surfaced, and a sick feeling came over me. Now he was so
regal that I felt even more repulsive and embarrassed by
my poor state. I wanted to hide but there was no way I
could avoid him here. To my surprise, his warmth toward
me was so genuine that he quickly put me at ease. There
did not seem to be any barriers between us. In fact, the
love I felt coming from him almost completely took away
my self-consciousness.
"I have waited eagerly for this meeting," he said.
"You were waiting for me?" I asked. "Why?"
"You are just one of many that I am waiting for. I did
not understand until my judgment that you were one that
I was called to help, to even disciple, but I rejected
you."
"Sir," I protested. "It would have been a great honor to
be discipled by you, and I am very thankful for the time
that I did have with you, but I was so arrogant I
deserved your rejection. I know that my rebellion and
pride has kept me from ever having a real spiritual
father. This was not your fault, but mine."
"It is true that you were prideful, but that is not why
I was offended with you. I was offended because of my
insecurity, which made me want to control everyone
around me. I was offended that you would not accept
everything that I said without questioning it. I then
started to look for anything that was wrong with you to
justify my rejection. I began to feel that if I could
not control you that you would one day embarrass me and
my ministry. I esteemed my ministry more than I did the
people for whom it was given to me, so I drove many like
you away," he said.
With a genuineness that is unknown in the realms of
earth, he continued, "All children are rebellious, and
think that the world revolves around them. That is why
they need parents to raise them. Almost every child will
at times bring reproach on his family, but he is still a
part of the family. I turned away many of God's own
children that he had entrusted to me for getting them
safely to maturity. I failed with most of them. Most of
them suffered terrible wounds and failures that I could
have helped them to avoid. Many of them are now
prisoners of the enemy. I built a large organization,
and had considerable influence in the church, but the
greatest gifts that the Lord trusted to me were the ones
who were sent to me for discipline, many of whom I
rejected. Had I not been so self-centered and concerned
with my own reputation I would be a king here. I was
called to one of the highest thrones. All that you have
and will accomplish would have been in my heavenly
account as well. Instead, much of what I gave my
attention to was of very little true eternal
significance. What looks good on earth looks very
different here. What will make you a king on earth will
often be a stumbling block to keep you from being a king
here. What will make you a king here is lowly and
un-esteemed on earth. Will you forgive me?"
"Of course," I said, quite embarrassed. "But I, too, am
in need of your forgiveness. I still think that it was
my awkwardness and rebellion that made it difficult for
you."
"It is true that you were not perfect, and I discerned
some of your problems rightly, but that is never cause
for rejection," he replied. "The Lord did not reject the
world when I saw its failures. He did not reject me when
He saw my sin. He laid down His life for us. It is
always the greater who must lay down his life for the
lesser. I was more mature. I had more authority than
you, but I became like one of the goats in the parable;
I rejected the Lord by rejecting you and the others that
He sent to me."
As he talked, his words were striking me deeply. I, too,
was guilty of everything that he was relenting of. Many
young men and women who I had brushed off as not being
important enough for my time were now passing through my
mind. How desperately I wanted to return now and gather
them together! This grief that I began to feel was even
worse than I had felt about wasting time. I had wasted
people! Now many of these were prisoners of the enemy,
wounded and captured during the battle on the mountain.
This whole battle was for people, and yet people were
often regarded as the least important. We will fight for
truths more than for the people for whom they are given.
We will fight for ministries while running roughshod
over the people in them. "And many people think of me as
a spiritual leader! I am truly the least of the saints,"
I thought to myself.
"I understand how you feel," remarked another man I
recognized as one I considered one of the greatest
Christian leaders of all time. "Paul the apostle said
near the end of his life that he was the least of the
saints. Then just before his death he even called
himself 'the greatest of sinners.' Had he not learned
that in his life on earth he, too, would have been in
jeopardy of being one of the least of the saints in
heaven. Because he learned it on earth he is now one of
those closest to the Lord, and will be one of the
highest in rank for all of eternity."
Seeing this man in the company of "The foolish virgins"
was the greatest surprise I had yet. "I cannot believe
that you, too, are one of the foolish who slept away
their lives on earth. Why are you here?"
"I am here because I made one of the most grave mistakes
you can make as one entrusted with the glorious gospel
of our Savior. Just as the apostle Paul progressed from
not considering himself inferior to the greatest
apostles, to being the greatest of sinners, I took the
opposite course. I started out knowing that I had been
one the greatest of sinners who had found grace, but
ended up thinking that I was one of the greatest
apostles. It was because of my great pride, not
insecurity like our friend here, that I began to attack
everyone who did not see everything just the way I did.
Those who followed me I stripped of their own callings,
and even their personalities, pressuring them to all
become just like me. No one around me could be
themselves. No one dared to question me because I would
crush them into powder; I thought that by making others
smaller I made myself larger. I thought that I was
supposed to be the Holy Spirit to everyone. From the
outside my ministry looked like a smooth running machine
where everyone was in unity and there was perfect order,
but it was the order of a concentration camp. I took the
Lord's own children and made them automatons in my own
image instead of His. In the end I was not even serving
the Lord, but the idol I had built to myself. By the end
of my life I was actually an enemy of the true gospel,
at least in practice, even if my teachings and writings
seemed impeccably biblical."
"If that is true, that you became an enemy of the
gospel, how is it that you are still here?" I
questioned.
"By the grace of God, I did trust in the cross for my
own salvation, even though I actually kept other men
from it, leading them to myself rather than to Him. The
Lord remains faithful to us even when we are unfaithful.
It was also by His grace that the Lord took me from the
earth sooner than He would have just so those who were
under me could find Him and come to know Him."
I could not have been more stunned to think that this
was true of this particular man. History had given us a
very different picture of him. Reading what was going on
in my heart, he continued:
"God does have a different set of history books than
those on the earth. You have had a glimpse of this, but
you do not yet know how different they are. Earthly
histories will pass away, but the books that are kept
here will last forever. If you can rejoice in what
heaven is recording about your life, you are blessed
indeed. Men see through a glass darkly, so their
histories will always be clouded, and sometimes
completely wrong. Very few, even very few Christians,
have the true gift of discernment. Without this gift it
is impossible to accurately discern truth in those of
the present or the past. Even with this gift it is
difficult. Until you have been here, and been stripped,
you will judge others through distorted prejudices,
either positive or negative. That is why we were warned
not to judge before the time. Until we have been here we
just cannot really know what is in the heart of others,
whether they are performing good or evil deeds. There
have been good motives in even the worst of men, and
evil motives in even the best of them. Only here can men
be judged by both their deeds and their motives."
"When I return to earth, will I be able to discern
history accurately because I have been here?"
"You are here because you prayed for the Lord to judge
you severely, to correct you ruthlessly, so that you
could serve Him more perfectly. This was one of the most
wise requests you ever made. The wise judge themselves
lest they be judged. The even wiser ask for the
judgments of the Lord, because they realize that they
cannot even judge themselves very well. Having come here
you will leave with far more wisdom and discernment, but
on earth you will always see through a glass darkly to
at least some degree. Your experience here will help you
to know men better, but only when you are fully here can
you know them fully. When you leave here you will be
more impressed by how little you know men rather than by
how well you know them. This is just as true in relation
to the histories of men. I have been allowed to talk
with you because I have in a sense discipled you through
my writings, and to know the truth about me will help
you greatly," the great Reformer concluded.
Then a woman stepped forward who I did not know. Her
beauty and grace was breathtaking, but it was not
sensual, or seductive in any way. She was the definition
of dignity and nobility.
"I was his wife on earth," she began. "Much of what you
know of him actually came from me, therefore what I am
about to say is not just about him, but about us. You
can reform the church without reforming your own soul.
You can dictate the course of history, and yet not do
the Father's will, or glorify His Son. If you commit
yourself to making human history, you may do it, but it
is a fleeting accomplishment that will evaporate like a
wisp of smoke."
"But your husband's work, or your work, greatly impacted
every generation after him for good. It is hard to
imagine how dark the world would have been without him,"
I protested.
"True. But you can gain the whole world and still lose
your own soul. Only if you keep your own soul pure can
you impact the world for the truly lasting eternal
purpose of God. My husband lost his soul to me, and he
only gained it at the end of his life because I was
taken from the earth so that he could. Much of what he
did he did more for me than for the Lord. I pressured
him, and even gave him much of the knowledge that he
taught. I used him as an extension of my own ego,
because as a woman at the time I could not be recognized
as a spiritual leader myself. I took over his life so
that I could live my life through Him. Soon I had him
doing everything just to prove himself to me."
"You must have loved her very much." I said looking at
him.
"No. I did not love her at all. Neither did she love me.
In fact, after just a few years of marriage we did not
even like each other. But we both needed each other, so
we found a way to work together. The more successful we
became in this way, the more unhappy we became, and the
more deception we used to fool those who followed us. We
were empty wretches by the end of our lives. The more
influence that you gain by your own self-promotion, the
more striving you must do to keep your influence, and
the more dark and cruel your life will become. Kings
feared us, but we feared everyone from the kings to the
peasants. We could trust no one because we were living
in such deception ourselves we did not even trust each
other. We preached love and trust, because we wanted
everyone to love and trust us, but we feared and
secretly despised everyone ourselves. If you preach the
greatest truths but do not live them, you are only the
greatest hypocrite."
Their words began to pound me like a hammer. I could see
that already my life was heading in the same direction.
How much was I doing to promote myself rather than
Christ. I began to see how much I did just to prove
myself to others, especially those who disliked me, or
who I felt in competition with in some way. I began to
see how much of my own life was built on the facades of
a projected image that belied who I really was. But here
I could not hide. This great cloud of witnesses all knew
who I was beyond the veil of my projected motives.
I looked again at this couple. They were now so
guileless and so truly noble that it was impossible to
question their motives. They were gladly exposing their
most devious sins for my sake, and were genuinely glad
to be able to do it.
"I may have had a wrong concept of you by your history
and your writings, but I have even more esteem for you
now. I pray that I can carry from this place the
integrity and freedom that you have now. I am tired of
trying to live up to projected images of myself. How I
long for that freedom." I lamented, wanting desperately
to remember every detail of this encounter. Then the
famous Reformer offered a final exhortation:
"Do not try to teach others to do what you are doing
yourself. Reformation is not just a doctrine. True
reformation only comes from union with the Savior. When
you are yoked with Christ, carrying the burdens that He
gives you, He will be with you and carry them for you.
You can only do His work when you are doing it with Him,
not just for Him. Only the Spirit can beget that which
is Spirit. If you are yoked with Him you will do nothing
for the sake of politics or history. Anything that you
do because of political pressures, or opportunities,
will only lead you to the end of your true ministry. The
things that are done for the sake of trying to make
history will at best doom your accomplishments to
history, and you will fail to impact eternity. If you do
not live what you preach to others you disqualify
yourself from the high calling of God, just as we did. I
will tell you what will keep you on the path of
life-love the Savior and seek His glory alone.
Everything that you do to exalt yourself will one day
bring you the most terrible humiliation. Everything that
you do out of true love for the Savior, to glorify His
name, will extend the limits of His eternal kingdom, and
ultimately result in a much higher place for yourself.
Live for what is recorded here. Care nothing for what is
recorded on earth."
As they walked away I was again being overwhelmed by my
own sin. The times that I had used people for my own
purposes, or even used the glorious name of Jesus, to
further my own ambitions, or to make myself look better,
began to cascade down upon me. Here, where I could
behold the power and glory of the One I had so used, it
became more repulsive than I thought I could stand. I
fell on my face in the worst despair I had ever known.
After what seemed like an eternity of seeing these
people and events pass before me, I felt the woman
lifting me to my feet again. I was overcome by her
purity, especially as I now felt so evil and corrupt. I
had the strongest desire to worship her because she was
so pure.
"Turn to the Son," she said emphatically. "Your desire
to worship me, or anyone else at this time, is only an
attempt to turn the attention away from yourself, and
justify yourself by serving what you are not. I am pure
now because I turned to Him. You need to see the
corruption that is in your own soul, but then you must
not dwell on yourself, or seek to justify yourself with
dead works, but turn to Him."
This was said in such genuine love and concern that it
was impossible to be hurt or offended by it. When she
saw that I understood, she continued:
"The purity that you saw in me was what my husband first
saw in me when we were young. I was relatively pure in
my motives then, but I corrupted his love and my own
purity by letting him worship me wrongly. You can never
become pure just by worshiping one who is more pure than
you, but only by going beyond them to find for yourself
the One who has made them pure, and in Whom alone is no
sin. The more people praised us, and the more we
accepted their praises, the further we departed from the
path of life. Then we started living for the praises of
men, and to gain power over those who would not praise
us. That was our demise, and was the same for many who
are here in the lowest place, but were called to be in
the highest."
Wanting to simply prolong our conversation, I asked the
next thing that came to my mind, "Is it difficult for
you and your husband to be here together?"
"Not at all. All of the relationships that you have on
earth are continued here, and they are all purified by
the judgment. The more that you are forgiven the more
that you love. Of course, the Lord forgave us more than
anyone, and here we all love Him much more than anyone
else. After we forgave each other we loved each other
more. Now our relationship is continuing in much greater
depth and richness because we are joint heirs of this
salvation. As deep as the wounds went, that is how deep
the love was able to go once we were healed. We could
have experienced this on earth, but we did not learn
forgiveness in time. If we had learned forgiveness the
competition that entered our relationship, and
sidetracked our life, would not have been able to take
root in us. If you truly love, you will easily forgive.
The harder it is for you to forgive, the further you are
from true love. Forgiveness is essential if you are to
stay on the path of life. Without it many things can
knock you off the course chosen for you."
At the same time I realized that this woman, who had
brought me into this confrontation with such pain at my
depravity, was also the most attractive person I could
ever remember meeting. It was not romantic attraction,
but I just did not want to leave her. Perceiving my
thoughts, she withdrew a step, indicating that she was
about to go, but offered me one last insight.
"The pure truth, spoken in pure love, will always
attract. You will remember the pain you feel here, and
it will help you through the rest of your life. Pain is
good; it shows you where there is a problem. Do not try
to reduce the pain until you find and address the
problem. God's truth often brings pain as it highlights
a problem that we have, but His truth will always show
us the way to freedom, and true life. When you know this
you will even begin to rejoice in your trials, which are
all allowed to help keep you on the path of life."
"Also, your attraction to me in not out of order. It is
the attraction between male and female that was given in
the beginning, which is always pure in its true form.
When pure truth is combined with pure love, men can be
the men they were created to be without having to
dominate out of insecurity. Women can be the women they
were created to be because their love has replaced their
fear. Love will never manipulate or try to control out
of insecurity, because love casts out all fear. The very
place where relationships can be the most corrupted is
also where they can be the most fulfilling. As your mind
is renewed by the Spirit of Truth, you will not see
relationships as an opportunity to get from others, but
to give. Giving is the greatest fulfillment that we can
ever know. It is a taste of heaven where we give to the
Lord in pure worship, which has an ecstasy that even the
most wonderful relationships on earth are but a fleeting
glimpse of. What we experience in worship here your
frail little unglorified body could not endure. The true
worship of God will purify the soul for the glories of
true relationships. Therefore, you must not seek
relationships, but pure worship. Only then can
relationships start to be what they are supposed to be.
True love never seeks the upper hand, but the lowest
place of service. If my husband and I had kept this in
our marriage, we would be sitting next to the King now,
and this great hall would be filled with many more
souls."
With that she disappeared back into the ranks of the
glorified saints. I looked again towards the throne and
the glory that appeared so much more beautiful that I
was taken aback. Another man standing close to me
explained:
"With each encounter, a veil is being removed so that
you can see Him more clearly. You are not changed just
by seeing His glory, but by seeing it with an unveiled
face. Everyone who comes to the true judgments of God
walks a corridor such as this to meet those who can help
them remove whatever veils they are still wearing; veils
that will distort their vision of Him."
I had already absorbed more understanding than I felt
like my many years of study on earth had given me. I
then began to feel that all of my study and seeking on
earth had only led me forward at a snail's pace. How
could many lifetimes prepare me for the judgment? My
life had already disqualified me more than all of those
whom I had met, and they barely made it here!
Then another man emerged from the ranks. He had been a
contemporary of mine, and I did not know that he had
died. I had never met him on earth, but he had a great
ministry which I respected very much. Through men that
he had trained, thousands had been led to salvation, and
many great churches had been raised up. He asked if he
could just embrace me for a minute, and I agreed,
feeling a bit awkward. When we embraced I felt such love
coming from him that a great pain that was deep within
me stopped hurting. I had become so used to the pain
that I did not even notice it until it stopped. After he
released me I told him that his embrace had healed me of
something. His joy at this was profound. Then he began
to tell me why he was in the lowest rank in heaven.
"I became so arrogant near the end of my life that I
could not imagine that the Lord would do anything of
significance unless He did it through me. I began to
touch the Lord's anointed, and do His prophets harm. I
was selfishly proud when the Lord used one of my own
disciples, and I became jealous when the Lord moved
through anyone who was outside of my own ministry. I
would search for anything that was wrong with them which
I could attack. I did not know that every time I did
this I only demoted myself further."
"I never knew that you had done anything like that," I
said, surprised.
"I incited men under me to investigate others and do my
dirty work. I had them scour the earth to find any error
or sin in the life of others to expose them. I became
the worst thing that a man can become on the earth-a
stumbling block who produced other stumbling blocks. We
sowed fear and division throughout the church, all in
the name of protecting the truth. In my
self-righteousness I was headed for perdition. In His
great mercy the Lord allowed me to be struck by a
disease that would bring about a slow and humiliating
death. Just before I died I came to my senses and
repented. I am just thankful to be here at all. I may be
one of the least of His here, but it is much more than I
deserve. I just could not leave this room until I had a
chance to apologize to those of you that I so wronged."
"But you never wronged me," I said.
"Oh, but I did indeed," he replied. "Many of the attacks
that came against you were from those whom I had
agitated and encouraged in their assaults on others.
Even though I may not have personally carried the
attacks out, the Lord holds me as responsible as those
who did."
"I see. Certainly I forgive you."
I was already beginning to remember how I had done this
same thing, even if on a smaller scale. I recalled how I
had allowed disgruntled former members of a church to
spread their poison about that church without stopping
them. I knew that by just allowing them to do this
without correcting them I had encouraged them to
continue. I remember thinking that this was justified
because of the errors of that church. I then began to
remember how I had even repeated many of their stories,
justifying it by saying it was only to enlist prayers
for them. Soon a great flood of other such incidents
began to arise in my heart. Again, I was starting to be
overwhelmed by the evil and darkness of my own soul.
"I, too, have been a stumbling block!" I wailed,
dropping again to my knees. I knew that I deserved
death, that I deserved the worst kind of hell. I had
never seen such ruthlessness and cruelty as I was now
seeing in my own heart.
"And we always comforted ourselves by actually thinking
that we were doing God a favor when we attacked His own
children," came the understanding voice of this man. "It
is good for you to see this here, because you can go
back. Please warn my disciples of their impending doom
if they do not repent. Many of them are called to be
kings here, but if they do not repent they will face the
worst judgment of all-that of the stumbling blocks. My
humbling disease was grace from God. When I stood before
the throne I asked the Lord to send such grace to my
disciples. I cannot cross back over to them, but He has
allowed me this time with you. Please forgive and
release those who have attacked you. They really do not
understand that they are doing the work of the Accuser.
Thank you for forgiving me, but please also forgive
them. It is in your power to retain sins or cover them
with love. I entreat you to love those who are now your
enemies."
I could hardly hear this man I was so overwhelmed with
my own sin. This man was so glorious, pure and obviously
now had powers that were not known on the earth. Yet, he
was entreating me with a greater humility than I had
witnessed before. I felt such love coming from him that
I could not imagine refusing him, but even without the
impact of his love, I felt far more guilty than anyone
could possibly be who was attacking me.
"Certainly I must deserve anything they have done to me,
and much more," I replied.
"That is true, but it is not the point here," he
entreated. "Everyone on earth is deserving of the second
death, but our Savior brought us grace and truth. If we
are to do His work we must do everything in both grace
and truth. Truth without grace is what the enemy brings
when he comes as an 'angel of light.'"
"If I can be delivered from this maybe I will be able to
help them," I replied. "But can't you recognize that I
am far worse than they could possibly be?"
"I know that what just passed through your mind was
bad," he answered, but with a love and grace that was
profound. I knew that he had now become as concerned for
me and my condition as he had been for his own
disciples.
"This really is heaven," I blurted out. "This really is
light and truth. How could we who live in such darkness
become so proud, thinking that we know so much about
God? Lord!" I yelled in the direction of the throne,
"Please let me go and carry this light back to earth!"
Immediately the entire host of heaven seemed to stand at
attention, and I knew that I was the center of their
attention. I felt so insignificant before just one of
these glorious ones, but when I knew they were all
looking at me, fear came like a tidal wave. I felt that
there could be no doom like I was about to experience. I
felt like the greatest enemy of the glory and truth that
so filled that place. I was too corrupted; I could never
properly represent such glory and truth. There was no
way that I could in my corruption convey the reality of
the glorious place and Presence. I was sure that even
Satan had not fallen as far as I had from grace. This is
hell I thought. There can be no worse pain than to be as
evil as I am and to know that this kind of glory exists.
To be banned from here is a torture worse than I ever
dreamed. No wonder the demons are so angry and demented,
I thought.
Just when I felt that I was about to be sent to the
deepest regions of hell, I simply cried "JESUS!" Quickly
a peace came over me. I knew I had to move on toward the
glory again, and somehow I had the confidence to do it.
I kept moving until I saw a man who I considered one of
the greatest writers of all time. I had considered his
depth of insight into the truth to be possibly the
greatest that I had encountered in all of my studies.
"Sir, I have always looked forward to this meeting," I
almost blurted out.
"As have I," he replied with genuine sincerity.
"I feel that I know you, and in your writings I almost
felt like you somehow knew me. I think that I owe more
to you than to anyone else who was not canonized in
Scripture," I continued.
"You are very gracious," he replied. "But I am sorry
that I did not serve you better. I was a shallow person,
and my writings were shallow, and filled with more
worldly wisdom than divine truth."
"Since I have been here, and learned all that I have
learned, I know that this must be true, but I still
think they are some of the best that we have on earth,"
I answered.
"You are right," this famous writer admitted, with
sincerity. "It is so sad. Everyone here, even those who
sit closest to the King, would live their lives
differently if they had them to live over, but I think
that I would live mine even more differently than most.
I was honored by kings, but failed the King of kings. I
used the great gifts and insights that were given me to
draw men more to myself and my wisdom than to Him.
Besides, I only knew Him by the hearing of the ear,
which is the way I compelled other men to know Him. I
made them dependent on me, and others like me. I turned
them more to deductive reasoning than to the Holy
Spirit, Who I hardly knew. I did not point men to Jesus,
but to myself and others like me who pretended to know
Him. When I beheld Him here, I wanted to ground my
writings into powder, just as Moses did to the golden
calf. My mind was my idol, and I wanted everyone to
worship my mind with me. Your esteem for me does not
cause me to rejoice. If I had spent as much time seeking
to know Him as I did seeking to know about Him in order
to impress others with my knowledge, many of those who
are in this lowest of companies would be sitting in the
throne that was prepared for them, and many others would
be in this room."
"I know by being here that your appraisal of your work
is true, but are you not being a little to hard on
yourself?" I questioned. "Your works fed me spiritually
for many years, as I know they have multitudes of
others."
"I am not being too hard on myself. All that I have said
is true as it was confirmed when I stood before the
throne. I produced a lot, but I was given more talents
than almost anyone here, and I buried them beneath my
own spiritual pride and ambitions. Just as Adam could
have carried the whole human race into a most glorious
future, but by his failure led billions of souls into
the worst of tragedies, with authority comes
responsibility. The more authority you are given, the
more potential for both good and evil you will have.
Those who will rule with Him for the ages will know
responsibility of the most profound kind. No man stands
alone, and every human failure, or victory, resonates
far beyond our comprehension, even to generations to
come. The many thousands who I could have led properly
would have resulted in many more millions here. Anyone
who understands the true nature of authority would never
seek it, but only accept it when they know they are
yoked with the Lord, the only One who can carry
authority without stumbling. Never seek influence for
yourself, but only seek the Lord and be willing to take
His yoke. My influence did not feed your heart, but
rather your pride in knowledge."
"How can I know that I am not doing the same?" I asked
as I began to think of my own writings.
"Study to show yourself approved unto God, not men," he
replied as he walked back into the ranks. Before he
disappeared he turned and with the slightest smile,
offered one last bit of advice: "And do not follow me."
In this first multitude I saw many other men and women
of God from both my own time and history. I stopped and
talked to many more. I was continually shocked that so
many who expected to be in the highest positions were in
the lowest rank of the kingdom. Many shared the same
basic story-they all had fallen to the deadly sin of
pride after their great victories, or fallen to jealousy
when other men were anointed as much as they were.
Others had fallen to lust, discouragement, or bitterness
near the end of their lives and had to be taken before
they crossed the line into perdition. They all gave me
the same warning: the higher the spiritual authority
that you walk in, the further you can fall if you depart
from love and humility.
As I continued toward the judgment seat I began to pass
those who were of higher rank in the kingdom. After many
more veils had been stripped away from me by meetings
with those who had stumbled over the same problems that
I had, I began to meet those who had overcome. I met
couples who had served the Lord and each other
faithfully to the end. Their glory here was unspeakable,
and their victory encouraged me that it was possible to
stay on the path of life, and serve Him in faithfulness.
Those who stumbled, stumbled in many different ways.
Those who prevailed all did it the same way-they did not
deviate from their devotion to the first and greatest
commandment-loving the Lord. By this their service was
done unto Him, not men, not even for spiritual men.
These were the ones who worshipped the Lamb, and
followed Him wherever He went.
When I was still not even half way to the throne, what
had been the indescribable glory of the first rank now
seemed to be the outer darkness in comparison to the
glory of those I was now passing. The greatest beauty on
earth would not qualify to be found anywhere in heaven.
And I was told that this room was just the threshold of
realms indescribable!
My march to the throne may have taken days, months or
even years. There was no way to measure time in that
place. To my considerable discomfort, they all showed
great respect to me, not because of who I was or
anything that I had done, but simply because I was a
warrior in the battle of the last days. Somehow, through
this last battle, the glory of God would be revealed in
such a way that it would be a witness to every power and
authority, created or yet to be created, for all of
eternity. During this battle the glory of the cross
would be revealed, and the wisdom of God would be known
in a special way. To be in that battle was to be given
one of the greatest honors given to those of the race of
men.
As I approached the Judgment Seat of Christ, those in
the highest ranks were also sitting on thrones that were
all a part of His throne. Even the least of these
thrones was more glorious than any earthly throne many
times over. Some of these were rulers over cities on
earth who would soon take their place. Others were
rulers over the affairs of heaven, and others over the
affairs of the physical creation, such as star systems
and galaxies. However, it was apparent that those who
were given authority over cities were esteemed above
those who had even been given authority over galaxies.
The value of a single child was more than a galaxy of
stars, because the Holy Spirit dwelt in men, and the
Lord had chosen men as His eternal dwelling place. In
the presence of His glory the whole earth seemed as
insignificant as a speck of dust, and yet was so
infinitely esteemed that the attention of the whole host
of heaven was upon it.
Now that I stood before the throne, I felt very much
less than a speck of dust. Even so, I felt the Holy
Spirit upon me in a greater way than I ever had. It was
by His power alone that I was able to stand. It was here
that I truly came to understand His ministry as our
Comforter. He had led me through the entire journey even
though I had hardly noticed Him.
The Lord was both more gentle and more terrible than I
had ever imagined. In Him I saw Wisdom who had
accompanied me up the mountain, and felt the familiarity
of many of my friends on earth. I recognized Him as the
One I had heard speaking to me many times through
others. I also recognized Him as the One that I had
often rejected when He had come to me in others. I saw
both a Lion and a Lamb, the Shepherd and the Bridegroom,
but most of all I saw Him here as the Judge.
Even in His awesome presence, the Comforter was so
mightily with me I was comfortable. It was also apparent
that the Lord in no way wanted me to be uncomfortable;
He only wanted me to know the truth. Human words are not
adequate to describe either how awesome, or how
relieving it was to stand before the Lord. I had passed
the point where I was concerned if the judgment was
going to be good or bad; I just knew it would be right,
and that I could trust my Judge.
At one point the Lord looked toward the galleries of
thrones around Him. Many were occupied by saints, and
many were empty. He then said, "These thrones are for
the overcomers who have served Me faithfully in every
generation. My Father and I prepared them before the
foundation of the world. Are you worthy to sit in one of
these?"
I remembered what a friend had once said, "When an
omniscient God asks you a question, it is not because He
is seeking information." I looked at the thrones. I
looked at those who were now seated. I could recognize
some of the great heroes of the faith, but most of those
seated I knew had not even been well known on earth.
Many I knew had been missionaries who had expended their
lives in obscurity. They had never cared to be
remembered on earth, but only to Him. I was a bit
surprised to see some who had been wealthy, or rulers
who had been faithful with what they had been given.
However, it seemed that faithful, praying women and
mothers occupied more thrones than any other single
group.
There was no way that I could answer "yes" to the Lord's
question if I considered myself worthy to sit here. I
was not worthy to sit in the company of any who were
there. I knew I had been given the opportunity to run
for the greatest prize in heaven or earth, and I had
failed. I was desperate, but there was still one hope.
Even though most of my life had been a failure, I knew
that I was here before I had finished my life on earth.
When I confessed that I was not worthy, He asked:
"But do you want this seat?"
"I do with all of my heart," I responded.
The Lord then looked at the galleries and said, "Those
empty seats could have been filled in any generation. I
gave the invitation to sit here to everyone who has
called upon My name. They are still available. Now the
last battle has come, and many who are last shall be
first. These seats will be filled before the battle is
over. Those who will sit here you will know by two
things: they will wear the mantle of humility, and they
will have My likeness. You now have the mantle. If you
can keep it and do not lose it in the battle, when you
return you will also have My likeness. Then you will be
worthy to sit with these, because I will have made you
worthy. All authority and power has been given to Me,
and I alone can wield it. You will prevail, and you will
be trusted with My authority only when you have come to
fully abide in Me. Now turn and look at My household."
I turned and looked back in the direction I had come
from. From before His throne I could see the entire
room. The spectacle was beyond any earthly comparison
for its glory. Millions filled the ranks. Each
individual in the lowest rank was more awesome than an
army, and I knew had more power. It was far beyond my
capacity to absorb such a panorama of glory. Even so, I
could see the only a very small portion of the great
room was occupied.
I then looked back at the Lord and was astonished to see
tears in His eyes. He had wiped the tears away from
every eye here, but His own. As a tear ran down His
cheek he caught it in His hand. He then offered it to
me.
"This is My cup. Will you drink it with Me?"
There was no way that I could refuse Him. As the Lord
continued to look at Me I began to feel His great love.
Even as foul as I was He still loved me. As undeserving
as I was He wanted me to be close to Him. Then He said:
"I love all of these with a love that you cannot now
understand. I also love all who are supposed to be here
but did not come. I have left the ninety nine to go
after the one who was lost. My shepherds would not leave
the one to go after the ninety nine who are still lost.
I came to save the lost. Will you share My heart to go
to save the lost? Will you help to fill this room? Will
you help to fill these thrones, and every other seat in
this hall? Will you take up this quest to bring joy to
heaven, to Me and to My Father? This judgment is for My
own household, and My own house is not full. The last
battle will not be over until My house is full. Only
then will it be time for us to redeem the earth, and
remove the evil from My creation. If you drink My cup
you will love the lost the way that I loved them."
He then took a cup so plain that I was surprised that it
even existed in a room of such glory, and He placed His
tear in it. He then gave it to me. I have never tasted
anything so bitter. I knew that I could in no way drink
it all, or even much of it, but I was determined to
drink as much as I could. The Lord patiently waited
until I finally erupted into such crying that I felt
like veritable rivers of tears were flowing from me. I
was crying for the lost, but even more I was crying for
the Lord.
I looked to Him in desperation as I could not take any
more of this great pain. Then His peace began to fill me
and mix with His love that I was feeling. Never had I
felt anything so wonderful. This was the living water
that I knew could spring up for eternity. Then I felt as
if the waters flowing within me caught on fire. I began
to feel that this fire would consume me if I could not
begin declaring the majesty of His glory. I had never
felt such an urge to preach, to worship Him, and to
breathe every breath that I was given for the sake of
His gospel.
"Lord!" I shouted out, forgetting everyone but Him. "I
now know that this throne of judgment is also the throne
of grace, and I ask You now for the grace to serve You.
Above all things I ask You for grace! I ask You for the
grace to finish my course. I ask You for the grace to
love You like this so that I can be delivered from the
delusions and self-centeredness that so pervert my life.
I call upon You for salvation from myself and the evil
of my own heart, and for this love that I now feel to
flow continually in my heart. I ask You to give me Your
heart, Your love. I ask You for the grace of the Holy
Spirit to convict me of my sin. I ask You for the grace
of the Holy Spirit to testify of You, as You really are.
I ask for the grace to testify of all that You have
prepared for those who come to You. I ask for the grace
to be upon me to preach the reality of this judgment. I
ask for the grace to share with those who are called to
occupy these empty thrones, to give them words of life
that will keep them on the path of life, that will
impart to them the faith to do what they have been
called to do. Lord, I beg You for this grace."
The Lord then stood up. Then all of those who were
seated upon the thrones for as far as I could see also
stood up. His eyes burned with a fire I had not seen
before.
"You have called upon Me for grace. This request I never
deny. You shall return, and the Holy Spirit shall be
with you. Here you have tasted of both My kindness and
My severity. You must remember both if you are to stay
on the path of life. The true love of God includes the
judgment of God. You must know both my kindness and
severity or you will fall to deception. This is the
grace that you have been given here, to know both. The
conversations you had with your brethren here were My
grace. Remember them."
He then pointed His sword toward my heart, then my
mouth, then my hands.
When He did this fire came from His sword and burned me
with a great pain. "This too is grace," He said. "You
are but one of many who have been prepared for this
hour. Preach and write about all that you have seen
here. What I have said to you say to My brethren. Go and
call My captains to the last battle. Go and defend the
poor and the oppressed, the widows and the orphans. This
is the commission of My captains, and it is where you
will find them. My children are worth more to Me than
the stars in the heavens. Feed My lambs. Watch over My
little ones. Give the word of God to them that they may
live. Go to the battle. Go and do not retreat. Go
quickly for I will come quickly. Obey Me and hasten the
day of My coming."
A company of angels then came and escorted me away from
the throne. The leader walked beside me and began to
speak.
"Now that He has stood He will not sit again until the
last battle is over. He has been seated until the time
when His enemies are to be put under His feet. The time
has now come. The legions of angels that have been
standing ready since the night of passion have now been
released upon the earth. The hordes of hell have also
been released. This is the time that all of creation has
been waiting for. The great mystery of God will soon be
finished. We will now fight until the end. We will fight
with you and your brethren."
I awoke.
As I continued walking away from the judgment seat, I
began to reflect on all that I had just experienced. It
had been both terrible and wonderful. As challenging and
heart rending as it had been, I felt more secure than I
ever had. At first it had not been easy to be stripped
so bare in front of so many, unable to hide even a
single thought. But when I just relaxed and accepted it,
knowing that it was cleansing my very soul, it became
profoundly liberating. Having nothing to hide was like
casting off the heaviest yoke and the strongest
shackles. I began to feel as if I could breathe like I
had never breathed before.
The more at ease I became, the more my mind seemed to
increase in its capacity. Then I began to sense a
communication going on which no human words could
articulate. I thought of the Apostle Paul’s comments
about his visit to the third heaven, where he had heard
inexpressible words. There is a spiritual communication
that greatly transcends any form of human communication.
It is more profound and meaningful than human words are
able to articulate. Somehow it is a pure communication
of the heart and mind together, so pure that there is no
possibility of misunderstanding.
As I looked at someone in the room, I began to
understand what he was thinking, just as he had been
able to understand me. When I looked at the Lord, I
began to understand Him in the same way. We continued to
use words, but the meaning of each one had a depth that
no dictionary could have ever captured. My mind had been
freed so that its capacity was multiplied many times
over. It was exhilarating beyond any previous
experience.
The Spirit’s Communication
It was also obvious that the Lord was enjoying being
able to communicate this way with me as much as I was
with Him. Never before had I understood so deeply what
it meant for Him to be the Word of God. Jesus is the
Communication of God to His creation. His words are
spirit and life, and their meaning and power greatly
exceed our present human definitions.
Human words are a very superficial form of the
communication of the spirit. God created us with the
ability to communicate on a level that far transcends
human words, but because of the fall and the debacle at
the Tower of Babel, we lost this capacity. We cannot be
who we were created to be until we regain this, and we
can only attain it when we are freed in His presence.
I began to understand that when Adam’s transgression
caused him to hide from God, it was the beginning of a
most terrible distortion of what man was created to be.
It brought about a severe reduction of our intellectual
and spiritual capacities. These can only be restored
when we “come out of hiding” and are genuinely
transparent. This means opening ourselves to God and to
each other. It is as we behold the glory of the Lord
with an “unveiled face” that we are changed into His
image. The veils, caused by our hiding, must be
discarded.
The Lord’s first question to Adam after his
transgression was, “Where are you?” In the same way, it
is the first question that we must answer if we are to
be frilly restored to Him. Of course, the Lord knew
where Adam was. The question was for Adam’s sake. That
question was the beginning of God’s quest for man.
The story of redemption is God’s pursuit of man, not
man’s pursuit of God. When we can fully answer this
question, knowing where we are in relation to God, we
will have been fully restored to Him. But we can only
know the answer to this question when we are in His
presence.
That was the essence of my entire experience at the
judgment seat. The Lord already knew all there was to
know about me. The whole experience was for my sake, so
I would know where I was. It was all to bring me out of
hiding, to bring me out of darkness and into the light.
I also began to understand just how much the Lord
desired to be one with His people. Through the entire
judgment, He was not trying to get me to see something
as good or bad as much as to see it in union with Him.
The Lord was seeking me more than I was seeking Him. His
judgments set me free, and His judgment of the world
will set the world free.
The darkness in the world has been perpetuated by our
compulsion to hide, which began immediately after the
fall. “Walking in the light” is more than just knowing
and obeying certain truths—it is being true and being
free from the compulsion to hide. When judgment day
comes, it will bring the final deliverance of Adam from
his hiding place. Not only will it be the final
liberation of Adam, but it will also begin the final
liberation of the creation, which was subject to bondage
because of Adam.
“Walking in the light” means no more hiding—from God or
anyone else. The nakedness of Adam and Eve before the
fall was not just physical, but spiritual as well. When
our salvation is complete, we will know this kind of
transparency again. To be completely open to others will
unlock realms we do not presently even know exist. This
is what Satan is attempting to counterfeit through the
New Age Movement.
Wisdom Returns
As I walked, pondering all that I had learned, the Lord
suddenly appeared by my side again in the form of
Wisdom. He now appeared far more glorious than I had
ever seen Him, even when He was on the judgment seat. I
was both stunned and overjoyed.
“Lord, are you returning with me like this?” I asked.
“I will always be with you like this. However I want to
be even more to you than the way you see Me now. You
have seen My kindness and My severity here, but you
still do not fully know Me as the Righteous Judge.”
This surprised me. I had just spent a considerable
amount of time before His judgment seat, and felt that
all I had been learning pertained to His judgment. He
paused to let this sink in, and then continued:
“There is a freedom that comes when you perceive truth,
but whomever I set free is free indeed. The freedom of
My presence is greater than just knowing truth. You have
experienced liberation in My presence, but there is yet
much more for you to understand about My judgments. When
I judge, I am not seeking to condemn or to justify, but
to bring forth righteousness. Righteousness is only
found in union with Me. That is the righteous
judgment—bringing men into unity with Me.
“My church is now clothed with shame because she does
not have judges. She does not have judges because she
does not know Me as the Judge. I will now raise up
judges for My people who know My judgment. They will not
only decide between people or issues; they will make
things right, which means bringing them into agreement
with Me.
“When I appeared to Joshua as the Captain of the Host, I
declared that I was neither for him nor his enemies. I
never come to take sides. When I come, it is to take
over—not to take sides. I appeared as the Captain of the
Host before Israel could enter her Promised Land. The
church is now about to enter her Promised Land, and I am
again about to appear as the Captain of the Host. When I
do, I will remove all who have been forcing My people to
take sides against their brothers.
“My justice does not take sides in human conflicts, even
those involving My people. What I was doing through
Israel, I was doing for their enemies, too—not against
them. It is only because you see from the earthly,
temporal perspective that you do not see My justice. You
must see My justice in order to walk in My authority,
because righteousness and justice are the foundation of
My throne. “I have imputed righteousness to the people I
have chosen. But like Israel in the wilderness, even the
greatest saints of the church age have only aligned
themselves with My ways a small portion of the time, or
with a small part of their minds and hearts. I am not
for them or against their enemies, but I am coming to
use My people to save their enemies. I love all men and
desire for all to be saved.”
Brethren Used by the Enemy
I could not help thinking about the great battle we had
fought on the mountain. We had wounded many of our own
brethren as we fought against the evil controlling them.
Many of them were still in the camp of the enemy, either
being used by him or kept as his prisoners. I started to
wonder if the next battle would be against our own
brothers again. The Lord was watching me ponder all of
this, and then He continued:
“Until the last battle is over there will always be some
of our brothers who are being used by the enemy. But
that is not why I am telling you this now. I am telling
you this to help you see how the enemy gets into your
own heart and mind, and how he uses you! Even now, you
still do not see everything the way that I do.
“This is common with My people. At this time, even My
greatest leaders are seldom in harmony with Me. Many are
doing good works, but very few are doing what I have
called them to do. This is largely the result of
divisions among you. I am not coming to take sides with
any one group, but I am calling for those who will come
over to My side.
“You are impressed when I give you a ‘word of knowledge’
about someone’s physical illness, or some other
knowledge that is not known to you. This knowledge comes
when you touch My mind to just a small degree. I know
all things. If you were to fully have My mind you would
be able to know everything about everyone you encounter
just as you have begun to experience here. You would see
all men just the way that I see them. But even then,
there is more to fully abiding in Me. To know how to use
such knowledge rightly, you must have My heart. Only
then will you have My judgment.
“I can only trust you with My supernatural knowledge to
the degree that you know My heart. The gifts of the
Spirit that I have released to My church are but small
tokens of the powers of the age to come. I have called
you to be messengers of that age, and you must therefore
know its powers. You should earnestly desire the gifts
because they are a part of Me, and I have given them to
you so that you can be like Me. You are right to seek to
know My mind, My ways and My purposes, but you must also
earnestly desire to know My heart. When you know My
heart, then the eyes of your heart will be opened. Then
you will see as I see, and you will do what I do.
“Jam about to entrust much more of the powers of the age
to come to My church. However there is a great deception
that often comes upon those who are trusted with great
power If you do not understand what I am about to show
you, you too will fall to this deception. “You have
asked for My grace, and you shall have it. The first
grace that will keep you on the path of life is to know
the level of your present deception. Deception involves
anything that you do not understand as I do. Knowing the
level of your present deception brings humility, and I
give My grace to the humble.
“That is why I said, ‘Who is so blind but My servant. .
. ‘And that is why I told the Pharisees, ‘it is for
judgment that I came into the world. . . to give sight
to those who do not see, and to make blind those who see
. . . If you were blind you would not be guilty, but
because you claim to see, your guilt remains.’ That is
also why My light struck Paul blind when I called him.
My light only revealed his true condition. Like him, you
must be struck blind in the natural so that you can see
by My Spirit.”
The Apostles Advice
I then felt compelled to look at those who were sitting
on the thrones we were passing. As I did, my gaze fell
upon a man I knew was the apostle Paul. As I looked back
at the Lord, He motioned for me to speak to him.
“I have so looked forward to this,” I said, feeling
awkward but excited by this meeting. “I know that you
are aware of how much your letters have guided the
church, and they are probably still accomplishing more
than all the rest of us put together. You are still one
of the greatest lights on earth.” “Thank you,” he said
graciously. “But you do not understand just how much we
have looked forward to meeting all of you. You are
soldiers in the last battle; you are the ones everyone
here is waiting to meet. We only saw these days dimly
through our limited prophetic vision, but you have been
chosen to live in them. You are soldiers preparing for
the last battle. You are the ones we have all been
waiting for.”
Still feeling awkward, I continued, “But there is no way
that I can convey the appreciation we feel for you and
for the others who helped set our course with their
lives and their writings. I also know we will have an
eternity for exchanging our appreciation, so please,
while I am here, let me ask, ‘What would you say to my
generation that will help us in this battle?”
“I can only say to you now what I have already said to
you through my writings,” Paul stated, looking me
resolutely in the eyes. “However, you will understand
them better if you realize that I fell short of all that
I was called to do.”
“But you are here, on one of the greatest thrones!” I
protested. “You are still’ reaping more fruit for
eternal life than any of us could ever hope to reap.”
“By the grace of God I was able to finish my course, but
I still did not walk in all that I was called to. I fell
short of the highest purposes I could have walked
in—everyone has. I know that some would practically
consider it blasphemy to think of me as anything less
than the greatest example of Christian ministry, yet I
was being honest when I wrote near the end of my life
that I was the greatest of sinners. I was not saying
that I had been the greatest of sinners, but rather that
I was the greatest of sinners then. Even though I had
been given so much understanding, I walked in
comparatively little of it.”
“How could that possibly be?” I asked. “I thought you
were just being humble.”
“True humility is agreement with the truth. Do not fear.
My letters were true, and they were written by the
anointing of the Holy Spirit. However, I was given so
much, and I did not use all that I was given. I, too,
fell short. Everyone here has fallen short, except One.
The reason you must see this particularly about me is
that many are still distorting my teachings, because
they have a distorted view of me.”
“As you saw the progression in my letters, I went from
feeling that I was not inferior to even the most eminent
apostles, to acknowledging that I was the least of the
apostles. I then saw that I was the least of the saints,
and finally that I was the greatest of sinners. I was
not just being humble, but I was speaking sober truth. I
was entrusted with much more than I used. There is only
One here who frilly believed, who fully obeyed, and who
truly finished all that He was given to do. But you can
walk in much more than I did.”
Rediscovering the Foundation
Rather feebly, I replied, “I know that what you are
saying is true, but are you sure this is the most
important message you could give to us for the last
battle?”
“I am sure!” he replied with utter conviction. “I so
appreciate the grace of the Lord to use my letters as He
has, but. I am concerned with the way many of you are
using them improperly. They are the truth of the Holy
Spirit and they are Scripture. The Lord did give me
great stones to set into the structure of His eternal
church, but they are not foundation stones. The
foundation stones were laid by Jesus alone. My life and
ministry are not the example of what you are called to
be; Jesus alone is that.
“If what I have written is used as a foundation, it will
not be able to hold the weight of that which needs to be
built upon it. What I have written must be built upon
the only Foundation that can withstand what you are
about to endure; it must not be used as the foundation.
You must see my teachings through the Lord’s teachings,
not try to understand Him from my perspective. His words
are the foundation. I have only built upon them by
elaborating on His words. The greatest wisdom and the
most powerful truths are His words, not mine.
“It is important for you to know that I did not walk in
all that was available to me. There is much more
available for every believer to walk in than I did. All
true believers have the Holy Spirit in them. The power
of the One who created all things lives within them. The
least of the saints has the power to move mountains, to
stop armies, or to raise the dead.
“If you are to accomplish all that you are called to do
in your day, my ministry must not be viewed as the
ultimate but merely as a starting place. Your goal must
not be to be like me, but to be like the Lord. You can
be like Him and do everything that He did, and even
more, because He saved His best wine for last.”
I reminded myself that only truth could be spoken here.
I knew that Paul was right concerning the wrong use of
his teachings as a foundation, rather than building upon
the foundation of the Gospels. But it was still hard for
me to accept that Paul had fallen short of his calling.
I looked at Paul’s throne and the glory of his being. It
was much more than I ever dreamed the greatest saints in
heaven would have. He was every bit as forthright and
resolute as I had expected him to be. It struck me how
obvious it was that he still carried his great concern
for all of the churches. I had idolized him, and that
was a transgression he was trying to set me free from.
Even so, he was much greater than the Paul I had
idolized. Knowing what I was thinking, he put both hands
on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes even more
resolutely.
“I am your brother. I love you, as everyone here does.
But you must understand that our course is now finished.
We can neither add to nor take away from what we planted
on the earth, but you can. We are not your hope. You are
now our hope. Even in this conversation I can only
confirm what I have already written, but you still have
much writing to do. Worship only God, and grow up in all
things into Him. Never make any man your goal, but only
Him.
“Many will soon walk the earth who will do much greater
works than we did. The first shall be last, and the
last, first. We do not mind this. It is the joy of our
hearts, because we are one with you. The Lord used my
generation to lay and begin building upon the
foundation, and we will always have the honor of
participating in that. But every floor built upon the
foundation should go higher. We will not be the building
we are supposed to be unless you go higher.”
The Ministry and the Message
As I pondered this, he watched me closely. Then he
continued, “There are two things we attained in our time
that were lost very quickly by the church. They have not
yet been recovered, but you must recover them.” “What
are they?” I inquired, feeling that what he was about to
say was more than just an addendum to what he had
already shared with me.
“You must recover the ministry and the message,” he said
emphatically.
I looked at the Lord, and He nodded His affirmation,
adding, “It is right that Paul should say this to you.
Until this time he has been the most faithful with both
of these.”
“Please explain,” I implored Paul.
“All right,” he replied. “Except for a few places in the
world where there are great persecutions or
difficulties, we can hardly recognize either the
ministry or the message that is being preached today.
Therefore, the church is now but a phantom of what it
was even in our time, and we were far from all we were
called to be. When we served, being in ministry was the
greatest sacrifice that one could make, and this
reflected the message of the greatest sacrifice that was
made—the cross.
“The cross is the power of God, and it is the center of
all we are called to live by. You now have so little
power to transform the minds and hearts of the believers
because you do not live, and do not preach, the cross.
Therefore, we have difficulty seeing much difference
between the church and the heathen. That is not the
gospel or the salvation with which we were entrusted.
You must return to the cross.” With those words, he
squeezed my shoulders like a father, and then returned
to his seat. I felt as if I had received both an
incredible blessing and a profound rebuke. As I walked
away, I began thinking about the level of Salvation on
the mountain, and the treasures of salvation I had seen
inside the mountain. I began to see that most of my own
decisions—even the decision to enter the door that led
me here—were based mainly on what would get me further,
not on a consideration of the will of the Lord.
I was still living for myself, not for Him. Even in my
desire to embrace the judgments here, I was motivated by
what would help me make it back in victory without
suffering loss. I was still walking much more in
self-centeredness than in Christ-centeredness.
The Last-Day Church
I knew the short talk with Paul would have consequences
that would take a long time to fully understand. In a
way, I felt that I had received a blessing from the
entire eternal church. We really were being cheered on
by the great cloud of witnesses. They looked at us like
proud parents who wanted better things for their
children than they themselves had known. Their greatest
joy would be to see the church in the last days become
everything the church in their day had failed to attain.
I also knew I was still falling far short of what they
had prepared for us to walk in. “The last-day church
will not be greater than Paul’s generation, even if she
does greater works,” the Lord interjected. All that is
done is done by My grace. However, I will make more of
My grace and power available to the last-day church,
because she must accomplish more than the church in any
age has yet accomplished.
“Last-day believers will walk in all the power that I
demonstrated, and more, because they will be the final
representatives of all who have gone before them. The
church will demonstrate My nature and My ways as they
have never been demonstrated before by men. It is
because I am giving you more grace, and to whom much is
given much will be required.”
This just made me think even more about Paul. “How could
we even become as dedicated and faithful as he had
been?” I thought to myself.
“I am not asking you to attain that,” the Lord answered.
“I am asking you to abide in Me. You cannot continue to
measure yourself by others—not even Paul. You will
always fall short of the one you look to, but if you are
looking to Me you will go far beyond what you would have
otherwise accomplished. As you yourself have taught, it
was when the two on the road to Emmaus saw Me break the
bread that their eyes were opened. When you read Paul’s
letters, or anyone else’s writings, you must hear Me.
Only when you receive your bread directly from Me will
the eyes of your heart be opened.
“You can be distracted the most by those who are the
most like Me if you do not see through them to see Me.
There is also another trap for those who come to know
more of My anointing and power than others. They are
often distracted by looking at themselves. As I was
saying before you talked to Paul, My servants must
become blind so that they can see. I let you talk to him
then because he is one of My best examples of this. It
was because of My grace that I allowed him to persecute
My church. When he saw My light, he understood that his
own reasoning had led him into direct conflict with the
very truth he claimed to be serving.
“Your reasoning will always do that. It will lead you to
do that which is exactly contrary to My will. Greater
anointing brings greater danger of this happening to
you, if you do not learn what Paul did. If you do not
take up your cross every day, laying down all that you
are and all that you have before it, you will fall
because of the authority and power that I will give you.
Until you learn to do all things for the sake of the
gospel, the more influence that you have, the greater
the danger of this you will face.
“Sometimes My anointed ones are deceived into thinking
that because I give them a little supernatural knowledge
or power their ways must therefore be My ways, and
everything they think must be what I think. This is a
great deception, and many have stumbled because of it.
You think like Me when you are in perfect union with Me.
Even with the most anointed who have yet walked the
earth—such as Paul—this union has only been partial, and
for brief periods of time. “Paul walked with Me as close
as any man ever has. Even so, he was also beset by fears
and weaknesses that were not from Me. I could have
delivered him from these, as he requested several times,
but I had a reason for not delivering him. Paul’s great
wisdom was to embrace his weaknesses, understanding that
if I had delivered him from them, I would not have been
able to trust him with the level of revelation and power
that I did.
“Paul recognized his own weaknesses and learned to
distinguish between them and the revelation of My
Spirit. When he was beset with weakness or fear he knew
he was not seeing from My perspective, but from his own.
This caused him to seek Me and depend on Me even more.
He was also careful not to confuse what came from his
own mind and heart with the thoughts of My mind and
heart. Therefore I could trust him with revelations that
I could not entrust to others.”
The Quest
I began to think about how clear all of this was here,
but how very often, even after I have had a great
experience like this, I still forget it so easily. It is
easy to understand and to walk in the light here, but
back in the battle it becomes cloudy again. I also
thought about how I was not so much beset with fears—as
Paul was—but my tendencies were impatience and anger,
which were just as much a distortion of the perspective
we should have by abiding in the Holy Spirit. Wisdom
stopped and turned to me. “You are an earthen vessel,
and that is all you will be while you walk the earth.
However, you can see Me just as clearly there as you do
here, if you will look with the eyes of your heart. You
can be just as close to Me there as anyone has ever been
to Me, and even more so.
“I have made the way for everyone to be as close to Me
as they truly desire to be. If you really desire to be
even closer to Me than Paul was, you can. Some will want
this, and they will want it badly enough to give
themselves fully to it, laying aside anything that
hinders their intimacy with Me. They will have what they
seek.
“If it is your quest to walk on earth just as you can
walk with Me here, I will be just as close to you there
as I am now. If you seek Me, you will find Me. If you
draw near to Me, I will draw near to you. It is My
desire to set a table for you right in the midst of your
enemies. This is not just My desire for My leaders, but
for all who call upon My name. I want to be much closer
to you, and to everyone who calls upon Me, than I have
yet been able to be with anyone who has lived on earth.
You determine how close we will be, not I. I will be
found by those who seek Me.
“You are here because you asked for My judgment in your
life. You sought Me as the Judge and now you are finding
Me. But you must not think that just because you have
seen My judgment seat, now all of your judgments will be
My judgments. You will only have My judgments as you
walk in unity with Me and seek the anointing of My
Spirit. This can be gained or lost every day. “I have
let you see angels and given you many dreams and
visions, because you kept asking for them. I love to
give My children the good gifts that they ask for years
you asked Me for wisdom, so you are receiving it. You
have asked Me to judge you, so you are receiving my
judgment. But these experiences do not make you fully
wise, nor do they make you a righteous judge. You will
only have wisdom and judgment as you abide in Me.
“Do not ever stop seeking Me. The more you mature, the
more you will know your desperate need for Me. The more
you mature, the less you will seek to hide—from Me or
others—for your desire will be to always walk in the
light.
“You have seen Me as Savior Lord, Wisdom and Judge. When
you return to the battle, you can still see My judgment
seat with the eyes of your heart. When you walk in the
knowledge that all you think and do are fully revealed
here, you will have the freedom to live there just as
you do here. It is only when you hide, from Me or
others, that the veils return to hide Me from you. I am
Truth, and those who worship Me must do so in Spirit and
Truth.
“Truth is never found hiding in the darkness, but always
seeks to remain in the light. Light exposes and makes
manifest. Only when you seek to be exposed, and allow
who you are in your heart to be exposed, will you walk
in the light as I am in the light. True fellowship with
Me requires complete exposure. True fellowship with My
people requires the same. “When you stood before the
judgment seat, you felt more freedom and security than
you have ever felt, because you did not have to hide
anymore. You felt more security because you knew that My
judgments were true and righteous. The moral and
spiritual order of My universe is just as sure as the
natural order established upon the natural laws. You
trust My law of gravity without even thinking about it.
You must learn to trust My judgments in the same way. My
standards of righteousness are unchanging, and are just
as sure. To live by this truth is to walk in faith. True
faith is to have confidence in who I am.
The Power of His Word
“You seek to know and walk in My power so that you can
heal the sick and perform miracles, but you have not
even begun to comprehend the power of My word. To
resurrect all the dead who have ever lived on earth will
not even cause Me to strain. I uphold all things by the
power of My word. The creation exists because of My
word, and it is held together by My word.
“Before the end, I will reveal My power on earth. Even
so, the greatest power that I have ever revealed on the
earth, or ever will, is still a very small demonstration
of My power I do not reveal My power to cause men to
believe in My power, but to cause men to believe in My
love.
“If I had wanted to save the world with My power when I
walked the earth, I could have moved mountains by
pointing a finger Then all men would have bowed to Me,
but not because they loved Me or loved the truth, but
because they feared My power I do not want men to obey
Me because they fear My power, but because they love Me
and love the truth.
“If you do not know My love, then My power will corrupt
you. I do not give you love so you can know My power,
but I give you power so that you can know My love. The
goal of your life must be love, not power Then I will
give you power with which to love people. I will give
you the power to heal the sick because you love them,
and I love them, and I do not want them sick.
“So you must seek love first, and then faith. You cannot
please Me without faith. But faith is not just the
knowledge of My power, it is the knowledge of My love
and the power of My love. Faith must first be exercised
in order to receive more love. Seek faith to love more,
and to do more with your love. Only when you seek the
faith to love can I trust you with My power Faith works
by love.
“My word is the power that upholds all things. To the
degree that you believe My word is true, you can do all
things. Those who really believe that My words are true,
will also be true to their own words. It is My nature to
be true, and the creation trusts My word because I am
faithful to it.
“Those who are like Me are also true to their own words.
Their word is sure, and their commitments are
trustworthy. Their ‘yes’ means ‘yes,’ and their ‘no’
means ‘no.’ If your own words are not true, you will
also begin to doubt My words, because deception is in
your heart. If you are not faithful to your own words,
it is because you do not really know Me. To have faith,
you must be faithful. I have called you to walk by faith
because I am faithful. It is My nature.
“That is why you will be judged because of the careless
words you speak. To be careless is to care less. Words
have power and those who are careless with words cannot
be trusted with the power of My word. It is wisdom to be
careful with your words, and to keep them as I do Mine.”
The Lord’s words were rolling over me like great waves
from the sea. I felt like Job before the whirlwind. I
thought that I was getting smaller and smaller, and then
realized that He was getting larger. I had never felt so
presumptuous. How could I have been so casual with God?
I felt like an ant staring up at a mountain range. I was
less than dust, yet He was taking the time to speak to
me. I could not stand any more, and turned away.
After a few moments, I felt a reassuring hand on my
shoulder. It was Wisdom. His glory was even greater now,
but He was again my size. “Do you understand what
happened just then?” He asked.
Knowing very well that when the Lord asks a question He
is not seeking information, I began to ponder what had
happened. I knew that it was reality. Compared to Him, I
am less than a speck of dust would be to the earth, and
for some reason He wanted me to experience that
realization in a profound way.
Answering my thoughts, He elaborated:
“What you are thinking is true, but this comparison of
man to God is not just in size. You began to experience
the power of My words. To be entrusted with My words is
to be entrusted with the power by which the universe is
held together I did not do this to make you feel small,
but to help you understand the seriousness and the power
that with which you have been entrusted—the word of God.
“In all of your endeavors, remember that the importance
of a single word from God to man is of more value than
all of the treasures on earth. You must understand and
teach My brethren to respect the value of My word. As
one who is called to carry My words, you must also
respect the value of your own words. Those who will
carry the truth must be true.”
Meeting the Evangelist
While hearing these words, I felt compelled to look up
toward one of the thrones beside me. Immediately I saw a
man I recognized. He had been a great evangelist when I
was a child, and many felt that he had walked in more
power than anyone since the early church. I had read
about him and had listened to some of his recorded
messages. It was hard not to be touched by his genuine
humility, and the obvious love he had for the Lord and
people. Even so, I also felt that some of his teachings
had gone seriously awry. I was surprised, but also
relieved, to see him sitting on a great throne. I was
captured by the humility and love that still exuded from
him.
As I to ask the Lord if I could talk with this man, I
could see how much the Lord loved him. However, the Lord
motioned for me to continue walking, and would not
permit me to speak with the evangelist.
“I just wanted you to see him here,” the Lord explained,
“and to understand the position that he has with Me.
There is much for you to understand about him. He was a
messenger to My last-day church, but the church could
not hear him for reasons that you will understand in due
time. He did fall into discouragement and delusion for a
time, and his message was distorted. It must be
recovered, as well as the parts that I have given to
others which were also distorted.”
Knowing that everything here happened in perfect timing
with all that I was meant to learn, I began to think
about how seeing this man must be related to what we had
just talked about—the potential of power to corrupt.
“Yes. There is a great danger in walking in great
power,” the Lord responded. “It has happened to many of
My messengers, and that is part of the message they are
to give to My last-day church. You must walk in My
power, and even much greater power than these
experienced. But if you ever start to think that the
power is My endorsement of you, or even of your message,
you will open the door to the same delusion. The Holy
Spirit is given to testify only of Me. If you are wise,
like Paul, you will learn to glory more in your
weaknesses than in your strengths.
“True faith is the true recognition of who I am. It is
nothing more and nothing less. But you must always
remember—even if you abide in My presence and see Me as
I am—you can still fall if you turn from Me to look back
at yourself That is how Lucifer fell. He dwelt in this
room and beheld My glory and the glory of My Father.
However, he began to look at himself more than he looked
to us. He then began to take pride in his position and
power
Many of My servants who have been allowed to see My
glory and be entrusted with My power have fallen in the
same way as Lucifer If you begin to think that it is
because of your wisdom, your righteousness or even your
devotion to pure doctrine, you will stumble too.”
Confidence
I knew that this was as severe a warning as anything
that I had been told here. I wanted to go back and fight
in the last battle, but I was having serious questions
about being able to do so without falling into the traps
that now seemed to be everywhere. I looked back at the
Lord. He was Wisdom, and I thought of how badly I needed
to know Him as Wisdom when I returned. “it is good for
you to lose confidence in yourself. I cannot trust you
with the powers of the age to come until you do. The
more confidence you lose in yourself the more power I
will be able to trust you with, if. .
I waited a long time for the Lord to continue, but He
didn’t. Somehow I knew that He wanted me to continue the
sentence, but I did not know what to say. However, the
more I looked at Him, the more confidence I felt.
Finally I knew what to say.
“If I put my confidence in you,” I added.
“Yes. You must have faith to do what you are called to
do, but it must be faith in Me. It is not enough for you
to just lose confidence in yourself, that only leads to
insecurity if you do not fill the void with confidence
in Me. That is how many of these men fell to their
delusions.
“Many of these men and women were prophets. But some of
them, out of insecurity, would not let men call them
prophets. Yet that was not the truth, because they were.
False humility is also a deception. If the enemy could
deceive them into thinking that they were not really
prophets, he could also deceive them into thinking that
they were greater prophets than they were, just by
nurturing their self-confidence. False humility will not
cast out pride. It is just another form of
self-centeredness, which the enemy has a right to
exploit. All of your failures will be the result of this
one thing: self-centeredness. The only way to be
delivered from this is to walk in love. Love does not
seek its own.”
As I was thinking about all of this, a wonderful clarity
began to come. I could see the whole experience from
beginning to end, having as its focus a single, simple
message. “How easily I am beguiled from the simplicity
of devotion to You,” I lamented.
The Smile of the Lord
The Lord then stopped and looked at me with an
expression I pray that I will never forget. He smiled. I
did not want to abuse this opportunity, but I somehow
felt that when He smiled like that I could ask Him
anything and He would give it to me. So I took the
chance.
“Lord, when you said, ‘Let there be light,’ there was
light. You prayed in John 17 that we would love you with
the same love that the Father loved you with. Will you
please say to me now, ‘Let there be love in you,’ so
that I will love you with the Father’s love?”
He did not quit smiling, but rather put His arm around
me like a friend. “I already said that to you, before
the creation of the world when I called you. I have also
said it to your brethren who will fight along with you
in the last battle. You will know My Father’s love for
Me. It is a perfect love that will cast out all of your
fears. This love will enable you to believe Me so you
can do the works that I did, and even greater works,
because I am with My Father You will know His love for
Me, and the works you will be given to do will glorify
Me. Now, for your sake, I say again, ‘Let there be My
Father’s love in you.”
I was overwhelmed with appreciation for this whole
experience. “I love your judgments,” I said. I then
started to turn and look back at the judgment seat, but
the Lord stopped me.
“Don’t look back. I am not there for you now; I am here.
I will lead you from this room and back to your place in
the battle,’ but you must not look back. You must see My
judgment seat in your own heart, because that is where
it is now.”
“Just like the Garden, and like the treasures of
salvation.” I thought to myself.
“Yes. Everything that I am doing, I am doing in your
heart. That is where the living waters flow. That is
where I am.”
He then gestured toward me, so I looked at myself,
pulling back the cloak of humility. I was stunned by
what I saw. My armor contained the same glory that
surrounded Him. I quickly covered it again with my
cloak.
“I also prayed to My Father on the night before My
crucifixion that the glory I had with Him in the
beginning would be with My people, so that you will be
one. It is My glory that unifies. As you come together
with others who love Me, My glory will be magnified. The
more My glory is magnified by the joining of those who
love Me, the more the world will know that I was sent by
the Father Now the world really will know that you are
My disciples because you will love Me, and you will love
each other”
As I kept looking at Him, my confidence continued to
grow. It was like being washed on the inside. Soon I was
feeling ready to do anything He asked.
Angelo
“There is still someone you must meet before you return
to the battle,” He said as we walked. As we did, I
continued to be astonished by how much more glorious He
had become than even a few minutes before.
“Every time you see Me with the eyes of your heart, your
mind is renewed a little bit more,” He proceeded to say.
“One day you will be able to abide in My presence
continually. When you do that, all you have learned by
My Spirit will be readily available to you, and I will
be available to you.”
I could hear and understand everything He said, but I
was so captured by His glory that I just had to ask Him,
“Lord, why are you so much more glorious now than when
You first appeared to me as Wisdom?”
“I have never changed, but you have. You are changed as
you behold My glory with an unveiled face. The
experiences you have had are removing the veils from
your face so that you can see Me more clearly. Yet
nothing removes them as quickly as when you behold My
love.”
He then stopped, and I turned to look at those on the
thrones next to us. We were still in the place where the
highest kings were sitting. Then I recognized a man who
was close by.
“Sir, I know you from somewhere, but I simply cannot
remember where.”
“You once saw me in a vision,” he replied.
I immediately remembered, and was shocked! “So you were
a real person?”
“Yes,” he replied.
I remembered the day when, as a young Christian, I had
become frustrated with some issues in my life. I went
out into the middle of a battlefield park near my
apartment and determined that I would wait until the
Lord spoke to me. As I sat reading my Bible, I was
caught up into a vision, one of the first ones I ever
had. In the vision I saw a man who was zealously serving
the Lord. He was continually witnessing to people,
teaching the Bible, and visiting the sick to pray for
them. He was very zealous for the Lord, and had a
genuine love for people. Then I saw another man, named
Angelo, who was obviously a tramp or a homeless person.
When a small kitten wandered into his path, he started
to kick it but restrained himself, though he still
shoved it out of the way rather harshly with his foot.
Then the Lord asked me which of these men pleased Him
the most.
“The first,” I said without hesitating.
“No, the second,” He responded, and began to tell me
their stories.
He shared that the first man had been raised in a
wonderful family, which had always known the Lord. He
grew up in a thriving church and then attended one of
the best Bible colleges in the country. He had been
given one hundred portions of His love, but he was using
only seventy-five.
The second man had been born deaf. He was abused and
kept in a dark, cold attic until he was found by the
authorities when he was eight years old. He had then
been shifted from one institution to another, where the
abuse continued. Finally, he was turned out on the
streets. The Lord had only given him three portions of
His love to help him overcome all of this, but he had
mustered every bit of it to fight the rage in his heart
and keep from hurting the kitten.
I now looked at that man, a king sitting on a throne far
more glorious than Solomon could have even imagined.
Hosts of angels were arrayed about him, waiting to do
his bidding. I turned to the Lord in awe. I still could
not believe he was real, much less one of the great
kings.
“Lord, please tell me the rest of His story,” I begged.
“Of course, that is why we are here. Angelo was so
faithful with the little I had given to him that I gave
him three more portion of My love. He used all of that
to quit stealing. He almost starved, but he refused to
take anything that was not his. He bought his food with
what he could make collecting bottles, and occasionally
he found someone who would let him do yard work.
‘Angelo could not hear but he had learned to read, so I
sent him a gospel tract. As he read it, the Spirit
opened his heart, and he gave his life to Me. I again
doubled the portions of My love to Him, and he
faithfully used all of them. He wanted to share Me with
others, but he could not speak. Even though he lived in
such poverty, he started spending over half of
everything he made on gospel tracts to give out on
street corners.”
“How many did he lead to you?” I asked, thinking that it
must have been multitudes for him to be sitting with the
kings.
“One,” the Lord answered. “In order to encourage him, I
let him lead a dying alcoholic to Me. It encouraged him
so much that he would have stood on that corner for many
more years just to bring another soul to repentance. But
all of heaven was entreating to bring him here quickly,
and I, too, wanted him to receive his reward.”
A Different Kind of Martyr
“But what did Angelo do to become a king here?” I asked.
“He was faithful with all that he was given. He overcame
all until he became like Me, and he died a martyr”
“But what did he overcome, and how was he martyred?”
“He overcame the world with My love. Very few have
overcome so much with so little. Many of My people dwell
in homes with conveniences that kings would have envied
just a century ago, yet they do not appreciate them.
Angelo, on the other hand, would so appreciate even a
cardboard box on a cold night that he would turn it into
a glorious temple of My presence.
He began to love everyone and everything. He would
rejoice more over an apple than some of My people do
over a great feast. He was faithful with all that I gave
him, even though it was not very much compared to what I
gave others, including you. I showed him to you in a
vision because you passed by him many times. Once you
even pointed him out to one of your friends and spoke of
him.”
“I did? What did I say?”
“You said, ‘There is another one of those Elijah’s who
must have escaped from the bus station.’ You said he was
‘a religious nut’ who was sent by the enemy to turn
people off to the gospel.”
This was the worst blow I had yet suffered in this whole
experience. I was more than shocked, I was appalled. I
tried to remember the specific incident, but
couldn’t—simply because there were so many others like
it. I had never had much compassion for filthy Street
preachers, considering them tools of Satan sent to turn
people off to the gospel.
“I’m sorry, Lord. I’m really sorry.”
“You are forgiven,” He quickly responded. And you are
right that there are many who try to preach the gospel
on the streets for wrong or even perverted reasons. Even
so, there are many who are sincere, even if they are
untrained and unlearned. You must not judge by
appearances. There are as many true servants who look
like he did as there are among the polished
professionals in the great cathedrals and organizations
that men have built in My Name.” He then motioned for me
to look up at Angelo. When I had turned, he had
descended the steps to his throne and was now right in
front of me. Opening his arms, he gave me a great hug
and kissed my forehead like a father. Love poured over
me and through me until I felt that it would overload my
nervous system. When he finally released me, I was
staggering as if I were drunk, but it was a wonderful
feeling. It was love like I had never felt before. “He
could have imparted that to you on earth,” the Lord
continued. “He had much to give to My people, but they
would not come near him. Even My prophets avoided him.
He grew in the faith by buying a Bible and a couple of
books that he read over and over He tried to go to
churches, but he could not find one that would receive
him. If they would have taken him in, they would have
taken Me in. He was My knock upon their door.” I was
learning a new definition of grief. “How did he die?” I
asked, remembering that he had been martyred. Based on
what I had seen so far, I was half expecting that I
somehow was even responsible for that. “He froze to
death trying to keep alive an old wino who had passed
out in the cold.”
The Unlikely Overcomer
As I looked at Angelo, I could not believe how hard my
heart had been. Even so, I did not understand how dying
in this way made him a martyr, which I thought was a
title reserved for those who died because they would not
com promise their testimony of the lordship of Christ.
“Lord, I know that he is truly an overcomer,” I
remarked. “And it truly is warranted for him to be here.
But are those who die in such a way actually considered
martyrs?”
Angelo was a martyr every day that he lived. He would
only do enough for himself to stay alive, and he gladly
sacrificed his life to save a needy friend. As Paul
wrote to the Corinthians, even if you give your body to
be burned, but do not have love, it counts as nothing.
But, when you give yourself with love, it counts for
much. ‘Angelo died every day, because he did not live
for himself but for others. Even though he always
considered himself the least of the saints, he was truly
one of the greatest. As you have already learned, many
of those who consider themselves the greatest, and are
considered by others to be the greatest, end up being
the least here. Angelo did not die for a doctrine, or
even for his testimony, but he did die for Me.”
“Lord, please help me to remember this. When I return,
please do not let me forget what I am seeing here,” I
begged.
“That is why I am with you here, and I will be with you
when you return. Wisdom is to see with My eyes, and to
not judge by appearances. I showed you Angelo in the
vision so that you would recognize him when you passed
him on the street. If you had shared with him the
knowledge of his past that I had shown you in the
vision, he would have given his life to me then. You
could have then discipled this great king, and he would
have had a great impact on My church.
“If My people would look at others the way I do, Angelo
and many others like him would have been recognized.
They would have been paraded into the greatest pulpits.
My people would have come from the ends of the earth to
sit at their feet, because by doing this they would have
sat at My feet. He would have taught you to love, and
how to invest the gifts that I have given you so that
you could bear much more fruit.” I was so ashamed that I
did not want to even look at the Lord, but finally I
turned back to Him as I felt the pain driving me toward
self-centeredness again. When I looked at Him, I was
virtually blinded by His glory. It took a while, but
gradually my eyes adjusted so that I could see Him.
“Remember that you are forgiven,” He said. “I am not
showing you these things to condemn you, but to teach
you. Always remember that compassion will remove the
veils from your soul faster than anything else.”
As we began to walk again, Angelo entreated me, “Please
remember my friends, the homeless. Many will love our
Savior if someone will go to them.”
His words had such power in them that I was too moved to
answer, so I just nodded. I knew that those words were
the decree of a great king, and a great friend of the
King of Kings.
“Lord, will you help me to help the homeless?” I asked.
“I will help any who help them,” He responded. “When you
love those whom I love, you will always know My help.
They will be given the Helper by the measure of their
love. You have asked many times for more of My
anointing; that is how you will receive it. Love those
whom I love. As you love them, you love Me. As you give
to them, you have given to Me, and I will give more to
you in return.”
Living like a King
My mind drifted to my nice home and all the other
possessions I had. I was not wealthy, yet I knew that by
earthly standards I lived much better than kings had
just a century before. I had never felt guilty about it
before, but I did now. Somehow it was a good feeling,
but at the same time it did not feel right. Again I
looked back to the Lord, for I knew He would help me.
“Remember what I said about how My perfect law of love
made light and darkness distinct. When confusion such as
you are now feeling comes, you know that what you are
experiencing is not My perfect law of love. I delight in
giving My family good gifts, just as you do yours. I
want you to enjoy them and appreciate them.
Nevertheless, you must not worship them, and you must
freely share them when I call you to.
“I could wave My hand and instantly remove all poverty
from the earth. There will be a day of reckoning when
the mountains and high places are brought down, and the
poor and oppressed are raised up, but I must do it.
Human compassion is just as contrary to Me as human
oppression. Human compassion is used as a substitute for
the power of My cross. I have not called you to
sacrifice, but to obey. Sometimes you will have to
sacrifice in order to obey Me, but if your sacrifice is
not done in obedience, it will separate us.
“You are guilty for the way you misjudged and treated
this great king when he was My servant on earth. Do not
judge anyone without inquiring of Me. You have missed
more of the encounters I have set for you than you have
ever imagined, simply because you were not sensitive to
Me. However I did not show you this to just make you
feel guilty, but rather to bring you to repentance so
you will not continue to miss such opportunities.
“If you just react in guilt, you will begin to do things
to compensate for your guilt, which is an affront to My
cross. My cross alone can remove your guilt. And because
I went to the cross to remove your guilt, whatever is
done in guilt is not done for Me.
“I do not enjoy seeing men suffer “Wisdom continued.
“But human compassion will not lead them to the cross,
which alone can relieve their real suffering. You missed
Angelo because you were not walking in compassion. You
will have more when you return, but your compassion must
still be subject to My Spirit. Even I did not heal all
those for whom I had compassion, but I only did what I
saw My Father doing. You must not just do things out of
compassion, but in obedience to My Spirit. Only then
will your compassion have the power of redemption.
“I have given you the gifts of My Spirit. You have known
My anointing in your preaching and writing, but you have
known it much less than you realize. Rarely do you
really see with My eyes or hear with My ears or
understand with My heart. Without Me, you can do nothing
that will benefit my kingdom or promote My gospel. “You
have fought in My battles, and you have even seen the
top of My mountain. You have learned to shoot arrows of
truth and hit the enemy. You have learned a little about
using My sword. But remember; love is My greatest
weapon. Love will never fail. Love will be the power
that destroys the works of the devil. And love will be
what brings My kingdom. Love is the banner over My army,
and under that banner you must now fight.”
With this, we turned into a corridor and were no longer
in the great hail of judgment. The glory of Wisdom was
all around me, but I could no longer see Him distinctly.
Suddenly, I came to a door. My first impulse was to turn
because I did not want to leave, but I knew that I must.
This was the door Wisdom had led me to. I had to go
through it.
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